The Love on These Boards!

[Creed]

You can do a search for my past threads. I don't believe it's healthy to go over and over, and re-analyze a persons situation..at least not for me. I'm in a place that I've accepted as best I can what happened to my marriage/family, and pray that Gods will will be done in the end. I'm satisfied that it will. I do have my faith, and I do have my intuitions. I do believe that other things can/do happen on the other side of our 'mountains'. I have seen/heard glimpses of that , even after all this time.

I wish you the best in your situation. It's not an easy one.

A few pieces of advice. If you have faith, cling to it each and everyday, and never believe that you have been forsaken or forgotten. Pray alot, and praise alot. Also, do NOT try to over analyze the situation. It is, what it is. There isn't too much you can about it except take care of yourself (and your family if you have one). DBing is more about learning about yourself, I believe, than trying to bring the MLCer back around. That journey is one that they have to take themselves, and come out of (hopefully) by themselves. All you can do for them is try to love them unconditionally, forgive them each and everytime they wound you, and keep growing stronger yourself. You will need that strength, time and time again. You can be a survivor of this if you allow yourself to detach enough from it to see it for what it truly is.

No one can tell you what is right or wrong in your own personal situation. No one can tell you that everything is going to work out just fine...or that it won't. This is where you have to have faith and learn to take care of yourself first and foremost.

You will have to learn to protect yourself financially if the situation presents itself that way. You will have to learn to detach from the very person that you love so much. You will have to learn to be the only responsible parent(if that is the case) for your kids. You will have to learn to 'zip your lip' and to fight the urge to badmouth the WAS, even when others are eager to do so for you. You will have to decide if boundaries are necessary or not. You will have to decide what is important in your life..what you can live with, or without.

Going through this gives you a whole new perspective on life. And it will make it glaringly obvious to you, your own faults in the relationship. I think this is something that has happened to all of us LBS. It hurts like H*ll, but we learn from it, and we go on and continue to improve in our own lives regardless if the WAS ever notices or not.

I always thought I'd do anything to bring back my WAS, but I know now I wouldn't. Because I do have my own beliefs, I have been able to foster better self-confidence and self-esteem since being battered down for so long and blamed for everything. I realize that I do deserve better than what was dished out at the time.

I wouldn't do anything to bring back my WAS...but I would pray that God touches him in the way he needs to be so that he might be able to see himself, our relationship and family, and me in a different way than he has for several years. I am willing to do that, and I believe that's what God is wanting me to do at this time.

I miss the marriage I thought I had for so many years, but I know it could be something so much better than that if that is what He wants. My family is very damaged from what my WAS did..I pray everynight that someday that family will be restored to what it was..what it could be.

I don't know if any of this is of any help, but then I don't believe your greatest source of help is going to be myself, any poster here or even a DB coach. I believe your greatest source of help is going to be in your own faith and beliefs. And that's something you have to do on your own.

You will have better days interspersed with the bad days. Receive them as a blessing. You will even find yourself able to laugh about alot of what goes on. Let yourself laugh if you can..it's so much better than tears.

Best of luck to you