I'm glad you brought this back up, I was hoping you would.
I knew my response to you would either aggitate you or give you a chuckle or both. I did so because I was hoping you would re-address it so I could make a point. Thank you for giving me the opportunity.
Here is the point I had wanted to make in the whole thing. The discussion leading up to it went something like this:
1. You brought up what I said on my post about no one being 100% gay or straight.
2. In that point you also brought up that you feel your hyper-hetero status may have bit you in the butt due to your not being able to fully understand how your wife (or women in general) can/could find the male genitalia attractive.
3. In an attempt to help you see that you are not as hyper-hetero as you may have thought, and that you can in fact see male genitalia as attractive, I brought up the point about male porno featuring HUGE male members and how, this must be because men CHOOSE to see them huge.
4. You responded as I expected you would, by saying that essentially "well I may appear to enjoy seeing it, but it is only because of transference".
5. I responded with "ok you can tell yourself that if you want, but IMO it isn't 100% honest".
6. You let the subject drop for several days (as no doubt you were laughing at me, which I was also hoping you would) :0)... and then you bring it back up BUT you also add the bit about being a eensy bit insecure about seeing big 'uns.
So here we are....
The bit about the insecurity, THANK YOU, this is something that men will rarely admit - even though I think nearly all men do feel it. (I'll touch more on that later, possibly elsewhere).
But...what I really hoped you could see and admit, based on your earlier statement that you fear your hyper-hetero status has bit you in the butt...is that you actually DO get turned on by seeing the big sticks in porn WITHOUT having to also say it is due to transference.
As I know that you know all about transference, then you also must know that it is a mechanism that we use in order to put us one level away from something we somehow fear yet also turns us on.
Do you see the similarity between what I am suggesting to you, and what you have suggested to many people on this board regarding strong yet wishing-to-be-submissive women, and how they WANT one thing but they cannot really admit it, and they frequently don't even realize they want it. Most can't say "I want you to spank me because it turns me on". And instead they will say "well its because I associated it with this or that and this or that happened in my past and then add on this or that fears and blah blah blah".
Is this a valid point at all in your book?
I am basing what I am saying on (as I said previously) literally hundreds of conversations with people of both sexes about this same topic, and how when you can just adjust your "seeing" a tiny bit, without fear of being judged for being that tiny 5% non-hetero, that sometimes maybe there is "more" to it than transference. Sometimes transference is just the easiest answer, because the truth can be so complex that it is not understandable. And so we cling to the transference answer because it is more helpful to our inner goals of "remaining hetero" (or "remaining a strong woman", etc).
Yeah? Anything? Do I even at least get a gold star for a decent debate?
