Man oh man! It seems like it just never stops! Sorry, didn't mean to sound so negative, but can't help it when I care about somebody that is hurting and stressed to the gills.
My suggestion is to open the conversation by telling her this can be a real test to the R or whatever she decides to make it, b/c it will be up to her. It seems to me that she is a "material girl" and wants a nice house over wanting to spend a second honeymoon in a romanic place with her H. So, just be honest, Lan, and tell her that things were very diffent in the R when you made the decision to refinance the house, etc. Seems that her "dreams" over-shot the reality of the finances that were there. You may have to hold her feet to the ground to help her see that you need to pay as you go, and not go into deep debt just in order for her to get her "dream house". That is not being mature or realistic. That is being selfish. Don't tell her that, of course, b/c it will not help your R.......I'm just stating my views.
Maybe you could tell her that by paying as you go on the projects, it will be more exciting for her and keep her motivated rather than having it all done at once. After the house is completed.....then what will she want? See what I mean?
I knew a lady once that had to have some kind of "home project" going all the time. She barely got through with a remodeled job until she would start up another one. Her poor H finally was bankrupt from all of the expenses he could not pay for. BTW, it destroyed their M and they got D. Don't know that she is anything like this lady (sure hope not) but maybe....just maybe in approaching her the right way, she will be understanding and agree to what you confront her with. Noted, she will be greatly disappointed, but she will have to get over it.....that is all part of being an adult....dealing with the disappointments of life. Don't allow her to make this all "your fault". Don't get into a fight with her (which would be extremly hard for me not to), but try to give her the time to blow off steam, etc. Then after she has calmed down, you can remind her how your first plans were to have the honeymoon and try to use that to revive the R. But she was the one that choose this more expensive adventure. Don't allow her to put the monkey on your back and then carry it around. It was her choice and you were trying to make her happy.
Good luck! I'll be thinking about ya.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
