1. I know you feel like you've really screwed up and he will be "done", but remember you've felt that way many times and there was always some "positive" event subsequent to the "last straw" and there will be this time as well. I can feel it in my bones. 2. I can totally understand your need to break in to his email, but the next time you act on an urge like this...I don't think you should tell him....I admitted to H I did a reverse search on one of the phone numbers in his cell trying to figure out who he was calling...stupid me it turned out to be his mother (I kept wondering why the number seemed so familiar) and he freaked out! Now he wants to separate our cell phone bill so he doesn't have to "worry" about me embarrassing him by calling one of his friends while I'm playing detective. At the time, I thought being honest with him was the right thing to do as I don't like to have secrets, but in retrospect what he didn't know wouldn't have hurt him. 3. When H denies to others that he's making steps towards reconciliation don't take it so personally. I think he is struggling with all this himself and has a hard enough time admitting to himself that the changes you are making cause him to look at the situation differently than he ever thought he would (since he had decided a long time ago he was done) without admitting it to your friend. I think this is a case of him thinking "this might be too good to be true and if I acknowledge it I'll jinx it". Make sense? Your H sounds so much like mine...he is the type that makes a decision and goes with it and has a REALLY hard time admitting maybe his decision wasn't the right one. In my H's law enforcement job there is NO second guessing...you have to be confident in your decisions or people get hurt so he's trained to decide and go forward not sit and ponder the what-ifs and such. He handles his personal life the same way. Also, put yourself in his shoes...I hate nothing more than explaining my sitch to people and then having to reexplain it every time I get good or bad news (unless it's here on these threads where no one will judge me). He probably just wanted to be mums the word with your friend so that if things don't end up working between you two, he doesn't have to deal with your friend and the whole "but you said ...blah blah blah" stuff. Additionally, I'm thinking your H is like mine and he doesn't like dicussing our personal stuff with anyone anyway.
Okay...long winded I know but I want you to stay encouraged.
