Need Advice Due to WAW

[christarn]

Kptch~ I am sorry you are here but welcome....I hope you find the support and encouragement you will need during this time. I am a WAS and will help you as much as I can. I left in Jan 07 and have been DBing for well over a year...any questions,comments etc...ask...I try to be on the boards daily, and will try to help you out as much as I can...so here goes!

"I wish I had read all of the books I have been reading the last 2 weeks."

We all wish we had done things different; and hind sight is ALWAYS 20/20...you are here now...so as my awesome friend Forrest Gump says..."lets Do Work!"


"I thought I was making the changes she wanted but the problem was I did not really know what I needed to change. I thought I was smart enough to figure it out on my own. I am so much more educated from all of the reading and realize the areas I needed to work on. I really believe that I know what I need to do make myself a better husband now. I have told that I realize my mistakes and will work hard to correct them."

What has she "really said"...if you think back to the one or two single things that your wife has said in passing that hurt or bothered her the most that you did...what would it be? Here's an example...my H always said things were my way or no way, I was a princess....one of my goals is to work on my selfish behavior...he called wanting to bulldoze the pool at our house(i moved out) we got in a huge argument because I said what if we work out, i would like to have the pool there...i text msgd him a week later...said I would pay for the rental of the dozer!! One can't just say I will work on XY and Z...it has to be shown and proven examples for the spouse to see....I hope I am making sense....these are true 180's...taking the things that hurt/bothered the H/W the most and turning it around!! It's a little shock and awww factor as well. I've also learned a great dr. phil saying...do i want to be right or do i want to be happy? at this point in life...i choose happy!!


"It seems like all she is having are negative thoughts and not thinking about the good times we had along with 3 great kids."

She won't think of anything good about your past right now...and I'm really, truly sorry to say that. She is what I was when i left my H. I called myself during that time frame a "mean angry monster"! The truth is most of the anger was within myself...but I didn't know how to deal with it...taking it out on my H was the only thing I could do. He resents me now for these actions.


"I don't know how long I will be able to be strong.."

This is soooo tough and emotionally draining; however, you have 3 great reasons to stay strong and motivated. Any time you feel overwhelmed and are ready to throw the towel...post here...the people on the boards will pick you up and encourage you to keep fighting...this place has kept me strong for well over a year now! you can do this...you are doing it! I don't know know if you are spiritual or religious, but if you are there are 2 websites that are recommended around here....rejoiceministries.org and joelosteen.com. I subscribe to both...keep me going on my bad days! the rejoice site is scripture oriented and the joel site is more motivational oriented.

"Would you be more ready to let your husband back in if he sincerely wanted to changed and was willing to work harder than anything not to make her feel hurt again."

In a heartbeat i would;but, he is so emotionally hurt from what I did...i don't know what it will take for him to be able to forgive me. it's been 18 months, and he is still just as angry at me as he was a year ago when we put the D on hold. He blames me for everything...even though some of the problems we had were both of our faults. I have changed, no longer a princess or a mean angry monster...but he won't give me a chance to show this "new" me....so I guess only time will tell.

This is my 2cents worth, I hope it helps you some.

I wish you all the best
take care
christarn