You may have seen me pop up here & there & if it's not OK for me to post thoughts here, you just let me know and I will disappear back into the woodwork
First, I wanted to offer you huge hugs & all my support. I've been following your sitch and think you are a lady of immense patience and endless class- even though your hubby surely does not deserve it.
That being said, he does NOT get to talk to you like that. No amount of DB'ing in the world is going to help if he thinks he is allowed to speak to you like that. The whole Jekyll & Hyde back & forth attitude swings- frankly, he scares me. Could he possibly be bipolar? I know you have dealt with more than anyone should have to deal with, you have given him respect when he has taken the respect away from you. I commend you for your efforts. Just remember that you are in control, here.
Clearly he is trying to decide which "way" he is going to go based on paternity of the baby (or troll/alien/spawn of satan) .....his cowardly idea of swabbing the baby is not only stupid and immature, it's not accurate or binding in court. Insist upon a dr-ordered legitimate paternity test.
Sugar, your last post w/the text conversation took my breath away. You are still his wife, the mother of his LEGITIMATE children. No matter how bad you want this marriage, who is he to speak to you like that? He doesn't get to question you, he is the conniving, cheating, lying spouse here. You are the one struggling to keep the marriage together, despite the fact that he isn't even CLOSE to deserving a woman like you. I admire you standing strong for your marriage. Just remember to stand even stronger for YOU & your kids. They are watching...your son learning what is 'accepted' in terms of treating women, your daughter is learning how a man should treat her. Be mindful of this, it is crucial you keep that in the back of your head...
I often wonder when I try to pipe in (LOL) if people think I have no business, technically I'm a DB 'failure'. So I want to share a little of my sitch....
I chose me, not the marriage- because the 'marriage' simply couldn't be saved. 10 yrs I tried, the addiction & verbal/emotional abuse in my sitch was far too gone to recover & I had to put my kids first. When my 7 yr old told me to just "keep telling daddy you're sorry & it'll be OK"...I knew I had let it get too far. She started getting physically sick to where I'd have to go get her from school because of the awful things he said...I had to take a stand & it was the single most terrifying experience of my life, yet also the most empowering. I filed, ended up losing my house, uprooted my kids to my hometown near my family.
You know what? That was last October & I couldn't be happier now. I am GREAT friends w/my now ex. He's done therapy, 12 step programs. He's realized how horrible he treated me & thanked me for taking a stand. In his own words "He had to lose everything to realize he had to change". He respected me for not allowing him to speak to me w/his awful hate-filled words. I had been overweight all my life & after our youngest was born, lost 115 pds. Still, in the throes of an argument, I was a 'fat piece of sh*t"...he never realized how deep his words cut..he figured it was far better than 'hitting' me in the physical sense...he was horrified for me to explain how it was so much worse.
I don't want people to think I'm anti-DB or pro-divorce...goodnesss knows each sitch is unique...I just want to encourage you to take a stand for yourself. When he texts you things like that, you reply ' you don't get to question me. I am not cheating & having an affair. Do not continue to disrespect me with your foul, hateful words." and shut the phone off. He is a total cake eater...he doesn't get to cheat w/her (and knock her up, for goodness sake!) and then question YOUR fidelity & whereabouts? (as my daughter would say, 'oh no he didn't!" LOL ) Taking a stand for you & demanding the respect you deserve does not mean you are not still fighting for your marriage. He may be one of those that has to lose everything before he can start crawling his way back to life. Only time will tell. I have an excellent relationship w/my ex now, and my kids are incredibly well-adjusted...there is no negative talk about my ex (EVER) where the kids could hear & I do not put them in the middle of our adult matters. Because of that, they have thrived. Kids are stronger & more resilient than we give them credit for. They are also quite intuitive. Showing them it's OK to stand for you is a lesson that will serve them well.
Im sorry for hijacking your thread...I've been sitting on these thoughts since your last post...his words & treatment of you infuriated me (for you, if that makes sense)....I guess I just wanted to let you know, regardless of the route you take, I respect & admire your strength & think you are one classy lady. Your H would be lucky to have him, should that be YOUR choice. Good luck, my friend
