Similar sitch as you but 11 years. My wife met a guy 4 days before dropping bomb and slept with him about 3 month later.
My views
They are already completely checked out of your relationship (hard to grasp i know) when they meet OM and may have been for a while. It's like you meeting someone say a year after you left your w for example
OM is probably a trigger for something she has wanted to do for a while
OM is new exciting and has the promise of happiness which she wasn't getting in your R.
They do think about H emotions but are at a stage where they think about themselves a whole heap more.
They don't have to justify anything - they are WAW 's pretty much confused, in pain, and probably looking for any port in a storm.
sorry you are here mate - worse place on earth. Read the DR and alot of forums ask a lot questions and get as much info as you can. It's not over - just a big speed bump - hang in there and good luck
