I too would really like to know how best to deal with the MLC anger. I've been getting it almost constantly for about 7 years, although it wasn't so bad at the beginning. If I'm not willing to deal with at least irritation/defensiveness, I can't ask even the most innocuous questions that I have no ulterior motives for whatsoever.
I remember when all of this mess began, I was pouring out my heart about it to a couple who are dear friends of mine, and I asked a question, and the man thought carefully for a moment and then answered my question calmly, and it wasn't until I realized how surprised/relieved I was that he could just calmly answer a question for me, that I really understood just how bad things had gotten with H's anger (although he wasn't physically or verbally abusive, although possibly emotionally abusive; I don't really know about that). For a long time--about seven years--I have had to walk on eggshells with him regarding asking quesions, although the severity of the problem has varied. I am pretty tired of feeling like I have to swallow down any questions that come to mind--either that or risk his sniping at me for no discernible reason.
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
