Diary of a Mad Hispanic Woman II...

[Valentine]

Well, spoke with LL today for an entire hour....about this and that...cannot believe that I spoke to him that long.

Anyhow I asked him why he didn't call me by my 'pet' name and he said 'we don't call each other a lot of things anymore'...I know, I know, shouldn't have asked. I asked him if it hurt his feelings that I did not call him by his pet name or address him at all and he said yes.

Anyhow, I was reading this book called 'The Catholic Warrior" and it talked about forgiveness and "lack of forgiveness" being Satan's device to keep us bondage...I feel this is true.

I used to believe that we didn't really need to forgive but now I believe different.

It occured to me when talking to LL that I have not really forgiven him. I have to work on that...and I have decided that I really need to not get worked up over what he says, does or does not say or does not do...I just have to accept it...whatever it is. I have to work on me now...

As one of my best friends Lissett says: you gotta work on YOU, Vali...if LL comes back then YOU can make the decision to let him back in your life.

I must say that when talking to LL he seemed okay but it was like talking to an acquaintance---someone I didn't know well. ...I know not to take those things too personally and I wonder if my not addressing him by name or sweet endearment was a mistake...then I think about how hurt I have been by him. At some point I gotta forgive and let it go.

So, I am still a work in progress...hope to get to where I need to get to take back my life and be in charge of my own happiness...