I am greatful for the changes in me I am sad I had to lose H to get here
Good for you peace, sounds like you have it figured.
My story, briefly: Bomb 5/05 suspected EA, turned into PA H moved out 8/05 During separation we shared our son, one week with me, one with XH. H filed 6/06 D final 7/07. We were married 21 years.
S and I moved about 70 miles away, so XH sees S less often, but still regularly. I believe they talk on the phone every night.
Xh married oOW on 1/1/08. His third M. She worked/works for him. We all work in the same place.
Close, long-time friends of ours have repeatedly expressed amazement at how civil we have been about about S and about making arrangements regarding S. I don't really see it as a choice.
As to XH expressing regret, I know he has seemed very confused from time to time, and sometimes was sad, but has never once expressed regret. I don't expect he will. The first time D was ever mentioned in our house was the night of the bomb, and XH refused to discuss "all that" and refused counseling.
I wanted to agree with imp, Mrs H and others about the sometimes misleading optimism. But I still believe the OW?OM are almost always bandaids IF the WAS is in MLC. Drinking is a bandaid, and some people drink for years and years...the fact that the R with the OP lasts for a long time doesn't mean the OP isn't serving as a bandaid.
My XH hasn't spent 5 minutes alone with himself in 59 years, and I am very sure that he needs a bandaid to avoid looking at himself. I am with those who believe that the MLCer must actively work to get out of the crisis, otherwise it just goes into hibernation for awhile and surfaces again later.
Anyway, haven't posted my story like that in quite awhile. Good wishes to you peace, sounds like you are on a sane path.
