Sad part is, mine is being nice to me on outward appearances. I'm leary... if you know what I mean. IT's like, he's taken to enjoying lying to me, seeming to be a good guy by being "my friend", or at least outwardly friendly on the phone and such. It's rather interesting how he views this whole thing as MY fault and he's the good guy for still being "nice" to me.
Never mind the lies, never mind the deception, never mind that I KNOW about this crap...I honestly believe that he still thinks I'm too stupid to notice or know or something. Duh. I still can't get this picture out of my head of his face when I walked out on him and told him to get stuffed with his lies and his cheating etc.
It's like I have nothing to be hurt about, nothing to be sad about... all my fault. It's like he's considering himself as being the "bigger" man, if you get what I"m saying.
Effing amazing really.
I *still* love the man he once was. Well,... what I assumed he once was. And since it's not like someone is pointing a gun at my head to be their new girlfriend or anything... May as well keep doing the get a life thing, dark thing, (hope I pass my exam to'row thing).... and then go have some FUN thing for the rest of the summer.
I'm tired of being sad. Being away from him is a relief right now.... and yet, I know another time, another place, he'd be SOOOO thrilled at what I'm doing. (Part of my plan of the 180)... that he'd be helping me, and encouraging me and in like flint about these courses. That makes me sad... he's missing something REALLLLLLLY exciting and something at one time he would have done cartwheels at what I'm up to.
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
