WAW#10 Feather Ruffle

[NikB]

Phil - I've followed your threads for awhile but hesitated to post because I've seen you get so upset with people a few times. I'll do my best and hope it helps rather than piss you off... or maybe it does both.

You've talked so many times about how people are stupid, idiots... do you really feel that way about just about everyone except yourself?? It sure seems that way. You called your Mom an idiot, your wife... it's not hard to see why that would be difficult to be around. I know it's extremely hard, but developing some empathy for your wife would do you so much good. And respect - did you at some point have respect for her, or did you just "tolerate" her?

You know one of the reasons I think I point out all the stupid crap my wife does is to prove I'm not the crazy one. Am I pointing fingers or just venting. Some seem to think I'm pointing fingers.

Probably a little bit of both. But why the need to prove she's "crazy" and you're "not crazy." Can you consider that maybe both of you are human beings with positive traits, negative traits, and flaws you could use some work on?

I already said I was the battered husband.

From what you've posted here, it looks like the "battering" went both ways.

Only problem is everyone thinks I know everything and I should be able to fix their computer problems. When they will not even take the time and try to research the problem themselves.

I don't know where you work, obviously, but the computer techs at my company HATE it when people try to research and fix the problem themselves. Usually makes it worse than if we just give it to the experts the first time. The "idiots" are the ones who know enough to mess their systems up worse.

The high five and the money dance. Which is what I asked not to be done on my thread. Pat each other on the back. Sayings things in circles and then agreeing with one another. I think the demons here on the board are worse then my situation. Trying to keep up with all the nonsense is really mind boggling.

Honestly, I have seen VERY little nonsense on your threads. You're getting a lot of very solid, sound advice from people who have been there. You seem to think you're the only one that's been through this hell. You're not.

I see an a pretty consistent theme in your threads of wanting to control the uncontrollable. It's a public message board here, that you choose to post to. Certainly you can expect a level of respect and etiquette (for example specific people not posting to you if you just don't get along). But you can't control every word people post to you, every piece of advice they give. Nearly every post to you, this one included, is coming from the heart and with the intent to help you. You not liking the advice does not equal it being "nonsense" or people being "nuts" or "idiots."

The real question is: Is what you are doing working for you? Have you reconciled?

I would say the answer to the first question, for everyone posting to you, is yes.

For the second question, in my case - yes. And a few others posting to you, I believe. Have you noticed that it's nearly the same advice from both the reconciled and not reconciled people? Drop your expectations of her to zero, focus on you, look inward, become the best Phil that you can be.

Really I don't know what she expects from me.

The only time she talks to me is when she wants a favor or it has something to do with watching the kids, picking up the kids, or whatever.

My guess is, this is what she expects of you. Keep it to discussions about the kids.

I have to run for now... I hope some of this helps rather than make you angrier.