Well, life pushes on for another day. I guess I should consider myself fortunate that I got up and out of bed this morning and even more fortunte that I got a big hug and kiss from D4 before leaving for work.
H has still not given me any indication of what his plans are for the next step. He asked me the other night if I would go see "The Dark Knight" with him and then go to dinner so we could talk. We'll see if that happens.
It was a quiet night at home last night. I tried doing a few things around to get prepared. I cleaned out some things in D4's bedroom and picked that up a bit. I threw away a ton of junk while she was playing in the other room. I have a lot to do and very little time to do it in. I truly thought that my H would be out by now and that I would have had all of July to pack & clean. I called my new apartment complex and they have a unit that is vacant that I could move into next weekend. Otherwise, the unit they had for me wouldn't have been open until Aug. 1st and that's not going to work with our current landlord needing to get back into his place on that day.
One thing that I did that I may have failed to mention previously is I changed my beneficaries on my life insurance policies to my sister & niece. My 401K isn't very large and until we divorce, I can't change that without H's permission. However, the life insurance policies amount to over 500k and I want the person with control of that money to have D4's best interests in mind. I feel bad for taking H off but I know his spending habits and I feel that he may not put it all to paying off any debts I have (thankfully not much) and then for D4. When I did it, I just kept reminding myself that H has opened new accounts (bank & credit card) that he did not make me aware of.
I went to the bookstore today and bought myself a new book. I'd kind of drowned myself in websites and books at first and was burned out. I found a book called "Beauty For Ashes" by Joyce Meyer. It's about emotional healing. I'll let everyone know what I thought of it.
Still feeling pretty emotional. I walked out of the bookstore today and just had this incredibly empty feeling wash over me. I just wanted to drive as fast as I could to D4's daycare and just hug her. Just still struggling.
Sheila, Rob & tal....thanks for your posts. I know that I have to go straight through all of this to get to the other side. I just feel like my emotions took a deeper plunge than I expected them to. Another reason I bought the book I mentioned is because I'm having a hard time understanding why I'm here again. People tell me to trust God and to go to him for guidance. I'm having a hard time grasping how to do that. I'm hoping this book can help me through that.
Well, time to get things wrapped up and get going home.
He asked me the other night if I would go see "The Dark Knight" with him and then go to dinner so we could talk. We'll see if that happens. 
