You are right SF which is why I have booked an appointment with mine on Monday. If he truely wants no contact with me that is fine I can handle that but he cannot contine to take unjustified action just b/c he feels like it (or as I suspect b/c OW tells him to) without at least warning me that he is going to do it. I will not let this man beat me into submission. I truely don't know if I love him anymore b/c he has been so hurtful it is hard to look past the act and see the reason why. I want to love him (and I think I do) but now is not the time to decide that. Now I have to put all my energies into my family.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Hi ACJ! Just got back from my trip, and thought I would catch up on your sitch. I am so sorry about all the hassle you have been having, especially with S15. Unfortunately, this is typical teen behaviour (and I have heard of far worse) - this is something you would've had to deal with eventually, but it is better when there is a united front between mom and dad. Your H is going to be kicking himself one day ... he may not admit it to anyone, but I bet he will. He is a fool ... and, there is nothing worse than a fool who will not learn by his mistakes.
Please, don't feel you have been replaced. No-one can replace the mother of his children, and the love of his life for almost the amount of years his OW has lived. Again, he is a fool, so he may try to do so, but it will never work. He is only fooling himself.
You have done everything you can (and beyond) to save your family ... now, it's time to save yourself and protect your daughters from your H's folly, IMHO. I am glad that you are moving toward this.
Good luck with the job hunt. Remember, that the best revenge (if that is even what you want), is a life well lived. Don't ever let them think they have beaten you down. You are better than them ... you will thrive, and be happier than you were in the M. Give it the time it needs, and the work, and you will see.
Take care, and I am sending positive vibes your way. (((((ACJ)))))
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm still not sure about starting D proceedings myself (if H hasn't beaten me to it) but I do know that I need to get the financal sitaution sorted once and for all. Why the hell should I take a 3rd job just b/c he no longer wants the responsibility of our family? Will have to see what L says.
I've been Dragon Boat racing this weekend. It was good fun but very tiring especially as it was my turn to drive and it was 3hrs each way. Still there was a party on Saturday night (at which I got very drunk ) and it was good to let my hair down. After all it might be the last time I can do it for a while until I get myself back on my feet financially. This is what I am so cross about. H & OW are out having a good time most of the week (I know b/c S15 tells me) and yet it's me who needs the social life more than them b/c it's me who is trying to bring up a family by myself. AAAAArrrrrrrrGGhh.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
The meeting this morning with my L was good. She told me to forgot, for now, about D proceedings and to concentrate on financials only as that is of paramount importance. She has given me some 'homework' to do so I will get on with tomorrow. Needed to get my head round it first. In a nutshell when it came to Hs dirty tricks campaign she told me I could either join him and give up working so he will have to pay but it wouldn't keep a roof over our head or just dig in for the long haul. If I want to retain my dignity and my sanity it will have to be the long haul. Legally there is nothing she can do about his stunts.
I've seen another job advertised today which would suit me far better than the other one. However it is in London and I live in the North of England. If there were just me I would have no qualms about applying for it and moving. However there isn't just me and although I do intend to run it past D13 in particular I almost know now what she will say and it won't be what I want to hear.
I'm currently trying to decide if I can afford to committ to another round of tennis lessons but as the first one is tonight I need to do it quickly. I love going but I have to tighten my belt and GAL activities will unfortunately have to be the first to go.
I feel like my whole life is about decisions right now. They probably aren't any different to the decisions that I've been making for the last 20 years of M life but they just seem so much more magnified and the responsibility that lies behind them is beginning to feel like too much pressure. I almost just want someone to tell me what to do for a while so that I can go on auto pilot and recharge my very achy brain.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
What did L say about S15's CS? Does it end when he turns 16? Would your H be able to pay even less (or claim more) if you are working a third job?
Just a thought!
Hope you have an uneventful week, ACJ. Take care of yourself.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
) and it was good to let my hair down. After all it might be the last time I can do it for a while until I get myself back on my feet financially. This is what I am so cross about. H & OW are out having a good time most of the week (I know b/c S15 tells me) and yet it's me who needs the social life more than them b/c it's me who is trying to bring up a family by myself. AAAAArrrrrrrrGGhh.