i've been thinking about your sitch for awhile. I don't know if i understand it completely and I've missed chunks and everything is swimming around in my head, so I could be way off base here but it sounds like H is depressed, EA (sure it isn't PA?), and playing games all at the same time.
I think about a time when I was really unhappy. I'd go to bed with W, but then get up and move to the couch. Why? part of it was to think and be alone. But i think a bigger part of it was a cry for help that my W couldn't hear and I couldn't admit.
He's definitely playing mental games on purpose without realizing it - hence the not joining you thing with boss. He's screaming for attention. He's vulnerable, hence OW being able to take advantage of sitch.
I don't know what W could have done when I was at a low point. Her usual way of communicating wasn't reaching me. I guess I needed her to change the way she was trying to reach me. Not by fixing dinner or making small talk or asking what was wrong....
I don't know. I can think about it more if you want me to.
