It has been a long road and I feel like I've done a lot of growing and healing. I learned alot about myself, and my husband, and my family...
Overall I like myself and my life. I have future goals, and I'm trying to enjoy, and deal the best I can with every moment of every day.
Also, I feel like I've developed a close friendship with my husband, I give a lot of love and support and I can tell he apprecitates it. In fact, I feel like he appreciates me more than he ever has in the past, and that he feels very happy and content being married to me.
Life is good. It's not perfect, but I see a lot of good, and I appreciate what I have....
On the other hand, I find myself sometimes having infidelity dreams. In them, my husband has met someone else again... This seems strange to me because I do feel secure, and at peace, with my marriage. So I'm not sure why I keep having these dreams. Maybe my subconcious still has worry and fear? Or maybe I'm still trying to work out, and come to terms, with feelings?
This morning I woke up from another one. In it, I learned my husband had been seeing a woman for a year, and he had even been seeing someone else temporarily while being with her. In this dream I didn't feel upset or angry. My feelings were very calm. I was even very nice to this OW, reassuring her about my husband, and that the relationship with that OW was not serious. I was also letting him know that I wanted him to be free from the marriage to pursue a relationship with her. I very nicely, without any anger, malice or bad feelings, told them both I'd be contacting my lawyer so they could be free to pursue a relationship together. In this dream I also remember explaining to the kids that this was just something daddy needed to do, and everything would be okay. Later in the dream I received a distressed phone call from him about the divorce. But I just felt very calm, knew I was doing what was right and ignored him. Then I woke up!
Sometimes in these dreams I experience pain and sadness, but in this one it was more calm and accepting. These dreams probably don't mean very much. I'm sure it's just me dealing with subconcious feelings. Although I do wonder if they mean more and if they will ever go away...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
