Twerpled on the Head with a Magic Kumquat

[girlfromipanema]

Gosh, so many typos in my posts. Must need to drink more coffee.

Kerry, we never had a problem with talking - unless there was a conflict. His pattern is to withdraw until he comes to terms with what has upset him and then he gets over it. I don't think he's going to get over anything anytime soon. I've tried small talk with him. His responses are clinical... and those dead eyes tell me he doesn't want to interact with me. I can't go on like this and he's unwilling to change.

OK. The sex is going to stop. I just need to find my voice. Somehow I've allowed him to have power over me. THIS ENDS TODAY.

I know men want to have sex to feel loved and I wanted to preserve any connection with him that I could. I enjoyed it up until recently. We had an R talk in March, which led him to initiate sex. I told him I didn't want to because it gave me hope and I didn't want false hope. His response was "no final decision has been made, that we both still have a lot to think about"... Sadly things haven't improved, so I don't think continuing to have sex is worth the hurt is it causing. If this was an attempt to connect, it's no longer working. It's a cheeseless tunnel. There is no "intimacy" involved. I HATE it. I just wish my final experience with him wasn't such a flop. Not a great memory.

Today is the office party. I have to file a police report* so I may have an excuse to bail early.

*Someone left a note on my door threatening to shoot my dog if I let him pee on their lawn "agin". I don't let my dog pee on my neighbors' lawns. What the hell is wrong with people? I want the anonymous neighbor to see the patrol car in front of my house so they know I will not be taking such a threat lightly. Do NOT mess with my dog.