from IMP: The work of DBing

[fooled again]

Happy Anniversary to me!!

This is exactly what I needed to read today (thanks Tipper for pointing it out). Two years ago today I discovered my H's A. Two years ago my "perfect" little world was smashed to pieces.

Last night I took a long hard look at my life and really saw that for the past two years I have been holding on, holding on, holding on to something that doesn't exist anymore. I thought I was DBing, and to some extent I have been, but I have not really moved forward w/ my life. Two years and I am in the same place I was then wrt to my marriage - hoping H will simply wake up and come home. But in two years very little has changed in my M, H is no closer to coming home, in fact he appears to be just as deep in the fog as ever (though I really have no way of knowing).

Yes I have made changes to me, many, many, many changes. But I have NOT been living my life as if H is not coming back. I didn't want to, it was too scary to even imagine life w/out my H - he has been a part of my life FOREVER. So the changes I have been making, though good for me, have been done w/ H always in the back of my mind.

So today, on my most terrible anniversary, I am celebrating myself, I am trying to think about what the future holds for ME, I am trying to think about the changes I want to make in my life for ME and my D. I am going to try to let go completely. It is still very scary and I know I will fall down many more times. But I will really try to make today the first day of My New Life, and see where it will take me. To be honest, I am terrified...

Thank you IMP.

FA