when we work toward the goal of saving out marriage we aren't really utilizing what the book was about
the book is about saving ourselves and savving our marriage by doing so
when you realize the goal is saving yourself, being yoru true authentic self, then it makes it much easier to do other work
like
if you save yourself, you find who you are and then the person you are looks at your situation and decides to stand...
you see what I mean
standing has to be a deliberate choice it can not be something you do because you don't know what else to do because you are afraid
when I really started to do the work to stand for myself, I realized that standing for my marriage would not be the answer anymore. I chose to stop sstanding for that marriage so I could keep standing for me
others have stood for themselves looked at their situation and decided that in order to truly stand for themselves, they needed to stand for their marriage.
doesn't mean their partner decided to stand and it doesn't mean that would stand for forever
it means that it was a conscious decision and when we make a decision, we realize that the choice may change depending on other factors in the situation as they occur
does that make sense????
the OP is not a bandaid after 2 years and they aren't the OP...they are the P
if you had a besst friend from high school that you were best friends with for a long time you love them they are your friend
then
they started being jerks and they called you names and stole things from you and tried to throw monkey wrenches in your life
would you be making excuses for them 4 years later... well I know they are still doing this stuff to me but I see babysteps when they are busted and they say they are sorry so I am going to keep letting them do it to me
or at some point would you re-evaluate the situation?
