There have been times over the past 6 months when I am glad that I have had an easy, virtually detection-proof way to snoop on H's email...but it's also been a double edge sword, and at times has been incredibly painful.
Despite several half-assed efforts on my part, I have not stopped; I will go a period of time, but when H's behavior/mood changes dramatically, then I have looked to try to figure out what's going on...
Over the last week, I've figured out that H and OW had a big, hurtful fuss (as i mentioned in a previous post), and that H seemed to be distancing and seriously questioning their R. In line with this, H had seemed pretty upbeat the last few days, more present in his convos with me.
And then, last night he was a mess when he was leaving the house; said he had a horrible, splitting headache, etc. I suggested he just stay here, he made some comment like 'i've paid for that place...'. Well, after he left i checked email, and it looks like OW must have gotten fired or something similar...her job had been very tenuous for a while i think. H was very distraught, feels partly responsible (guess she used phone, email etc a lot to contact him up until a few months ago...) etc.
And i'm starting to wonder if she's manipulating this to some extent to pull him back in...i may be all wrong and a cynical hag, but my BS meter is starting to sense a pattern. Over the last 6 months, there have been a number of personal 'crises' which have really yanked his chain back to her...coincidences???
And here I sit...lips zipped shut, asking this am about his headache, etc.
I just want to holler at him to wise up!!! ARGHHHH.... But I won't. He wouldn't listen anyway...
Funny thing, though... I feel strong and in control of me...I wouldn't want to trade places with H, even though i guess he gets hot monkey sex with OW... it ain't worth the drama.
I've got a good R with my boys, and I'm feeling calm and centered today. I can do this...
