Getting Off the Rollercoaster!

[The Wifey]

Addie,

Maybe he will come visit. Maybe you could invite him with no strings attached. I just don't know. That's an awful lot of miles. The S must be missing his dad though, could say that he needs dad to come.

[stella_k]

hi (((((((addie))))))),

I agree with W2G about filing. He is not just a DAM, he is in MLC,
MLCers are not ready until they are ready. And, yes, he does sound as he's still in Replay, may be at the very end of it. If I remember correctly, depression comes next. It is possible that he will come and visit when depression hits.

Stay strong, Addie!

[addie]

Thank you so much Nlt, W2G, Kelly Jo, Stella.

I am feeling like I felt the first few weeks after we S when I knew H was with OW. I feel very responsible for sending H right back into Replay. When H moved back at the end of May after OR ended, my anger at everything that's happened started to surface and this caused H to make contact via email with OW again. When I learned of this and I confronted him (calmly) but he lied, I built a wall around myself for fear of getting hurt again, especially since I was moving away. H saw this as rejection and in his very fragile state went right back into Replay.

Last night I called H which I've only done one other time since I moved and I tried to be a lot more pleasant. He told me he was having a couple of guys over (ages 20-21) who he met in a course he was taking but he neglected to tell me there would also be young females there and possibly OW - he was having a party at our place. Everyone else aside from H would be between 20-25 years old. I was pretty supportive and told him to have a good time. Again, he told me he's very lonely - this has come up in every email and phone call.
I'm just so afraid he's going to do other things he'll regret because he feels so alone.

[W2G]

My goodness he really likes to play the "I'm lonely" card. Well then maybe he needs to start doing a hobbie or activity that will keep him busy and not have him chasing skirts and hanging out regularly with people half his age?

Sorry, for venting but it's almost like he's blaming you for feeling lonely or alone. You were with him for months before moving back to hometown and yet he chose to spend that time frolicking with someone else.

You did not chase him away Addie, please do not blame yourself. He wasn't healthy enough yet.. and he still isn't.

(((((Addie))))
W2G

[addie]

Hi W2G,
I agree with everything you said. I think the "I'm lonely" is a cry for help. This actually also came up long before the R with OW ended. My H is one person who does not need to take on any other activities/hobbies. He pursues more activities than anyone I have ever known or have even heard of. It's all part of trying to seek happiness but never does. He continues to run from his demons.

[The Wifey]

Addie,

You are not responsible for him feeling alone. Replay or not, he is making choices outside of the bounds of a normal R. Take care to take care of you, dear.

[addie]

Kelly Jo - you're right. H has made his choices. It was even HIS choice when he was in the midst of the PA that I move back to my hometown with S and now he's claiming he's alone. I've been thinking about his constant "I'm lonely". It's all part of the depression which he doesn't know how to express any other way.

H called this afternoon and said he had a bit of a hangover this morning. I guess that's what happens when you're hanging out with 20 yr olds! He told me he's lost some weight and doesn't know why. I jokingly said that he obviously misses my cooking and he agreed. He told me that I'm a very decent person, that there are many women that aren't decent and that I'm very loyal. I thanked him for saying those nice things about me. We had a pleasant conversation - I'm glad I was able to fake it because that's certainly not what I've been feeling.

[JenInVen]

Hi Addie, Has your h looked into C yet? I think he could benefit so much form it. I think that many of his issues aren't only MLC so C could help so much.

How have you been besides the issues with H. How is S doing now that you're closer to family?

[addie]

Jen, no H hasn't done anything about IC. He keeps saying he'll look into it.
Aside from the issues with H I'm doing well. I have the support of a few family members who know some things going on in my sitch and a very good friend who knows all about and understands my sitch. It has made all the difference in the world to be able to confide in someone in RL. S is a wonderful kid - he adjusts so well to new situations. I am blessed with him.

[stella_k]

Hi (((((((Addie))))))))!

The thing about Replay - you have to wait it out, it is not to be interrupted. He cannot hang out with 20 y olds forever (not only because of hangover ). His increasing feeling of loneliness can be the sign of advancing Depression and Withdrawal. In any case, it is HIS jorney, Addie dear, you cannot help him or make it easier for him.

You can only take care of yourself and S. You both sound great!

Lots of ((((((((HUGS)))))))))).