HI BH: I doubt Happy would mind the hijack - I can be accused of it myself.
I guess I should have accepted the inevitable sooner, that the D was going to happy despite my best efforts (Not what DB teaches us) and determine to always do what was best for the kids and maintain peace with the ex. This was certainly NOT easy to do. He was hostile, hurtful and NEVER did what was in the kids' best interest. 7 years later he has never had them for dinner, overnight or taken them on a vacation - that is because they refuse to meet or accept OW. That would be his loss. BUT...
The one thing I did that I KNOW was wrong was to badmouth him to the kids. It certainly wasn't necessary. They were old enough to know what was going on. They did their share of badmouthing him too. In the beginning I tried really hard with my youngest, not to let her know about the affair etc. But my older son knew it all. He had found them together. But when daughter found out, she was mad at me for not telling her. I don't think that was a mistake at all. I tried to preserve her R with him.
But no matter what my dad did (and I have no worries - my own is the greatest), it must hurt terribly to hear bad things about your parent. I know I tried to extend an olive branch but my hand was bitten every time. I still think one should always TRY to keep peace with the other parent the best they can.
Not sure if this helps. Mine was a particularly difficult ex partner. But I still think it might have gone less nasty.
