Sorry about your uncle. At least you got to see some old faces. On the OW issue, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to know they work together. I am struggling with trust myself. I try to shake it off but it just lingers.....
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Funerals are hard at the best of times, but to go "unsupported", being S and coping with emotions coming to the surface, it must be very hard.
I dont know what to say about your H, its hugely positive that he came home for the day and pretended you were still together for his cousin and family. How strange! He clearly doesnt want the S to be public knowledge so he cant be committed to it, done with you, but then you know that. Why do these men act so perversely???? I am hoping that one day, all this will make sense to me...Just thinking of you as usual, as someone who has as much (if not more!) wierd constant contact with their ex and I know how stressful that is in a way, as well as being glad for it.
Ali xxx PS: Yes, when was he born !???
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
So, what have I been up to? I took the baby gates off of the stairs (D2 didn't really need to be stopped from going up and down the stairs anymore and I wanted to get the screws out of the walls before the painter comes). I also took the book shelves off the wall. They were the floating bookshelves from Ikea and they were not very well supported so I couldn't put anything on them anyway (also done so that the painter can fill the holes and paint where they used to be).
I applied for a couple more jobs (no luck yet) hopefully I'll get an interview soon. H bought the tix for Canada' Wonderland (season passes). I threw out the printer at home so H ordered them on line and printed them out for me.. Now D2 and I can go to the splash park there and she can go on the kiddie rides and I can eat funnel cake any day of the week. I'm pretty excited about it.
D2 and I were supposed to go to the zoo with my friend and her nephew tomorrow but since he has aszma (sp?) her sister doesn't want her to take him out in the heat and the smog. Phooey. I was looking forward to it. I just might take D2 on my own. We'll see.
I saw H on Monday. He came over after work. My friend from hometown was here with her daughter and she was amazed at the difference in my H since she last saw him (which was December or January). She agreed that he seems much more like the guy she knew instead of the stranger she saw a few months back. So that's good.
D2 and I met her dad (H) for lunch yesterday. It was nice. Then we walked around a bit to make some room in our bellies for ice cream.. Which was even nicer!
So, I'm not sure if the next part is 2x4 territory.. but here it goes!
I know I'm not supposed to be pursuity but H has said that if I have something on my mind he wants me to say it.. he wants us to really work on improving our communication (which is a little difficult when trying to follow DB.. but maybe those rules are more strict in the beginning when communication is at an all time low?). So I sent H an email. I pretty much said that I want to be the only one. That I wanted someone in my life that was itching to spend time with me.. that made me laugh and thought I was funny, that wants my love and wants to love me. I also said that I can appreciate that "he's trying" but that at the same time hearing that it takes such a mental effort on his part to want to be with me doesn't instill confidence. I asked if he wanted the same and if he did if he was sure that he wanted these things with me?
He responded by phone but it went to voicemail.
"Hey Hun, I just wanted to give you a call and let you know I got your message. The reality is that I want to be, you know, I want you to be that person... and I love you. I will get back to where I need to be. It's not so much mental anguish to get that going I just want to make sure I'm mentally right. I just don't want it to happen again.. So I love you and I will talk to you later."
So that is the R talk (albeit not actually talking since half was email and the other half was voicemail).
And girl (or Imp as Gypsy so lovingly refers to you as) you are way too kind! I blushed when I read what you wrote.
Oh W2G that's wondeful news! Your whole thread is great. I think sometimes we have to just get it out there even if we might not like the results. He called back and didn't email which is so perfect.
It was so sweet of him to buy you guys tickets to Canada's Wonderland (I was there about 2.5 decades ago and I remember a baby deer stole my cone of deer food)
Keep it up hun he's coming around slowly but surely. Patience please!
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
W2G, no 2x4 needed. You know your sitch and H better than anyone else. You haven't been pursuing him. Sometimes we need to do a temperature check just to find out where things stand. Although it may not have been the response you were hoping for, he did tell you that you are the one and he said ILY a couple of times. Those are all extremely positive. He said he's afraid of returning and having it happen again some time down the road. He doesn't want to hurt you like that ever again so he wants to be sure. Hang in there!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Wow, that sure sounds POSITIVE even to me! Can it be that things are turning around on several fronts. I know that Ali is the resident astrologer but something is going on here! By the way, that did not sound like pursuit to me. You expressed your wants very well and without pressure. That is how it came across to me and probably to your h as well.
