Wait a minute - Don't forget that women want to feel close to have sex, and men want to have sex to feel close! This feels like his attempt to connect with you to me.
Remember also, that men can separate the physical act from the emotional involvement more than women. It looks like he is just in it for the physical act to me, especially since he leaves the room to go sleep on the couch afterwards. But most importantly, gfi, is how it makes YOU feel. And it doesn't sound like it is a positive experience for YOU.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Gosh, so many typos in my posts. Must need to drink more coffee.
Kerry, we never had a problem with talking - unless there was a conflict. His pattern is to withdraw until he comes to terms with what has upset him and then he gets over it. I don't think he's going to get over anything anytime soon. I've tried small talk with him. His responses are clinical... and those dead eyes tell me he doesn't want to interact with me. I can't go on like this and he's unwilling to change.
OK. The sex is going to stop. I just need to find my voice. Somehow I've allowed him to have power over me. THIS ENDS TODAY.
I know men want to have sex to feel loved and I wanted to preserve any connection with him that I could. I enjoyed it up until recently. We had an R talk in March, which led him to initiate sex. I told him I didn't want to because it gave me hope and I didn't want false hope. His response was "no final decision has been made, that we both still have a lot to think about"... Sadly things haven't improved, so I don't think continuing to have sex is worth the hurt is it causing. If this was an attempt to connect, it's no longer working. It's a cheeseless tunnel. There is no "intimacy" involved. I HATE it. I just wish my final experience with him wasn't such a flop. Not a great memory.
Today is the office party. I have to file a police report* so I may have an excuse to bail early.
*Someone left a note on my door threatening to shoot my dog if I let him pee on their lawn "agin". I don't let my dog pee on my neighbors' lawns. What the hell is wrong with people? I want the anonymous neighbor to see the patrol car in front of my house so they know I will not be taking such a threat lightly. Do NOT mess with my dog.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I hope everything goes okay with the police report. And I hope you look gorgeous and are acting "as if" at the office party!
Now, about the sex thing. I'm curious if there is passionate kissing during your session? My H and I have done the deed a few times since separating... I was the initiator as I felt it was a 180 from our SSM... anyway, the first few months there was very little kissing if at all... very little intimacy I guess you could say. I described it in my posts as carnal. The last couple times (if I can remember back that far ) were much more loving and had lots of kissing... it felt different and I felt better about it.
You need to stop doing it if you are not feeling very good about it...
Do you know if he is getting this from the other source?
A. I'm curious if there is passionate kissing during your session? B. Do you know if he is getting this from the other source?
Thanks, sweet W2G.
A. Zilch, nada, zero, zip. I always think back to the line in Pretty Woman - where she won't kiss because it's too intimate. I don't even look at him now. We used to share eye contact and smiles and amazing kisses when things were good between us. I wouldn't call it carnal. I'll think about an appropriate adjective.
B. No. No time and it's only EA.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I hope the police can determine who made this threat. Even if a dog pees on a lawn, shooting it should land that person in jail. And posting an anonymous note is chicken sh it!
I used tongs to put the note in a plastic bag in case they can pull finger prints. =) Seems like a the type of person to write such a note could very well have a violent history. If they tried shooting my boy, they end up facing murder charges because I'd dive in front of any speeding bullet aimed at my little guy. I feel like I need to get him a tiny flak jacket and helmet!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I can only describe my scenario and I have to say I felt pretty blah afterward in the beginning too. It was completely different. It was sex not ml. He said, in one of our 3 mc sessions, that he felt guilty. The mc guy said "is it wrong to have relations with your wife". And my H's response was he felt he was being disrespectful to me by having sex with me when he was going to up and leave afterward.
So that's what was supposedly going thru my H's thread at the time.
As for there being no other. That says a lot to me. That tells me that he does honor his vows... I think men, well at least mine, don't really get what an EA is. I told my H early on that it is not right that he share his inner most feelings and thoughts with another woman. That those thoughts are the ones that he should be sharing with me. He just didn't get it. He thought as long as he didn't step over the line with kissing, or hand holding or sex that it was perfectly okay. In a later conversation (when we were getting along better communicatively) I told him it was like she replaced me. I used to be the person he would turn to with all of his successes and his not so much successes... I was the person he would share his dreams of the future with and now he shut me out and shared with her instead. I think that was when he was finally able to see that he was communicating with her in an inappropriate way. Now has he stopped doing that? Sharing with her I mean? Supposedly he has but I have no way of knowing for sure.
How can you open the lines of communication with your H?
I started out with heavy duty affirmation..... I was almost overboard with it but I think that's what started us down a better road... and what a LONG road it is.
) were much more loving and had lots of kissing... it felt different and I felt better about it.