I assume you and your H used to dialog quite a bit. Can you not do small talk with him now? Communication is so important - until one of you starts talking more, nothing is going to happen in rebuilding your M. Dont talk about your R problems - there is so much more things to discuss to help relieve this huge wall between the two of you.
I also think you need to draw the line on the drive by sex without any emotions or pleasure on either of your parts. I have no idea why he is doing it if he is not getting satisfaction. Maybe he thinks it is some sort of duty he has to do as part of the marriage.
You have to get back to DBing for yourself. Make yourself happy and your H should notice.
