Thanks, Baggy. I had some computer issues that kept me away earlier in the week. I thought two of the points were interesting, but not too controversial for me. The part about abuse in childhood being recreated so the victim can enjoy it in a controlled way . . . . I would not have thought of that in a million years, and I would have done just what you did, and run into the same wall.
It was the first one that pulled me up short.
Originally Posted By: Bagheera
(1) Nice Girls Don't (desire or enjoy sex)
This was posted as one of three things to keep in mind about sexually submissive women, that often their desire to be dominated is a way to avoid any responsibility for desiring sex, since their upbringing or some other cause has left them with the belief that sex is bad and they would be wrong to desire it.
This is one of the things that worries me the most about the "just go with it, you found what she likes" school. If it's as simple as "she likes to be told what to do in bed, and maybe get her hair pulled a little" then fine, I can do that. Who am I kidding? I LOVE doing that. But (and maybe my Nice Guy Syndrome is acting up) I worry. I love doing it, she loves doing it, but does that make it a good idea? Fundamentally, her "Nice Girls Don't" attitude is unhealthy and untrue. By dominating her this way, I'm basically saying to her "You're right; you'd be a slut if you were making love to your husband, but you're being raped by a swashbuckling browncoat, so you might as well lie back and think of England." That can't be healthy, can it? If we do that for 20 years, how much cognitive dissonance is going to build up in her mind, and what will it do to her? Or maybe I'm saying "You're right, sex is filthy, but I'm really the filthy one, because I want sex and you don't." This also doesn't seem particularly healthy. How does she stay in love with the guy who forces immorality on her, even if she enjoys the immoral filth at the moment it's happening? Do I really want to be the scapegoat?
I'm not married to any of this. These are just ideas that I'd like everyone to react to. They didn't seem to fit in the thread where Bagheera posted the original comments. Everybody who's still responding to what I say, tell me what you think, please.
