I'm pretty sure that pursuing her will do nothing for you right now. She sounds a little bit like my ex in that this divorce is something she has decided needs to be done.
You're in the role now of having to treat yourself as well as you can and take advantage of your interactions with her to show the man that you've become.
I like the idea of becoming her friend, but not at the expense of your dignity. Check out Sleepers thread for a guy who is divorced and is slowly but surely winning his way back into his wife's heart. It can be done.
Stay strong and let the divorce business slide off your shoulders. Can't let it knock you down, even though it's painful.
More later, got to catch up.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Just wanted to check in. Sounds like things aren't really progressing the way you want, but you sound upbeat and strong. Keep working out and doing things that make you feel good. Stay with it.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
I'm pretty sure that pursuing her will do nothing for you right now. She sounds a little bit like my ex in that this divorce is something she has decided needs to be done.
You're in the role now of having to treat yourself as well as you can and take advantage of your interactions with her to show the man that you've become.
I like the idea of becoming her friend, but not at the expense of your dignity. Check out Sleepers thread for a guy who is divorced and is slowly but surely winning his way back into his wife's heart. It can be done.
Stay strong and let the divorce business slide off your shoulders. Can't let it knock you down, even though it's painful.
More later, got to catch up.
Blessings,
Bill
Hey Ted
Since Bill was referring you to somebody who is in the process of winning his ex's heart back. I, of course, am in that very same sitch. Slow and steady is the only way. God will work it out and I am happy and comfortable in that knowlege.
Well I think that I will have to let the inevitable happen. As much as it pains me I love her enough to let go. Hopefully in time she will be able to look past all the resentment and anger just so we can be friends. This is the worst decision I have ever had to make but I feel it is the right one! I hope she can find her happiness on this crazy journey she is on!
I am going to show her what she is really going to miss. I am making plans to do everything we had ever talked about, first of those is skydiving! Hopefully can gather the courage to jump out of a perfectly good airplane at 2 miles up! Also am in the beginning stages of making plans on going to Germany. I have a friend that lives in Munich and have just got ahold of him through e-mail, plus I work with a guy from Munich as well, he said he would love to travel with!
Making plans to take the kids to Sea World which we have talked about forever and only live 6 hours away, so that should make for a nice weekend get away!
Other than all od that I guess I just wait for the loser to serve me my papers, which is supposed to happen sometime next week or the following week. I figure perfect timing, I can give the W the b-day present she wants so bad. Will wrap them up in a pretty box and nice bow all for her to unwrap...the gift that keeps on giving
Living your life is the best thing you can do for yourself AND your sitch right now.
But leave the bitterness at the door. You don't need it and it's way beneath the man that you are.
You never could control her decisions. Sometimes we just have to admit that a person is going to do what they are going to do. You don't have to facilitate it, you don't have to agree with it.
You love her enough that you would never FORCE her to do something just to make YOU happy.
Even though your heart wants to.
It's a bit too cliche, and I almost hate to even say it, but filing for divorce does not mean you have to quit on her. Again, every situation is different. More importantly every person is different. And it may well be that she feels the need to end the old relationship rather than attempt to heal it. Maybe that is the step she needs to allow for the possibility of a new relationship.
Do all the things you want to do. But don't do them to SHOW HER, do them because you want to and that's who you are and where you're at right now.
Everytime you interact, show her that you are more than fine, you are excellent and life is good. But also take advantage of letting her know, through your ACTIONS, that she is still in your heart.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Hey Bill thx for the post. You are right about me showing her what she is going to miss. I do not want that but I guess I should have said that i need to hurry up and start living and what better way than to use the list we had made together.
I think you are right about her not wanting to heal the R but needs the D to end this one and start a new R. I have never given up on her and probably wont, but I am not going to rot away waiting for her. I will move on with my life and enjoy my kids along the way! I wish it didnt have to come down to this but everyone has their own way of dealing with their problems and this is the W solution, sucks but it something that we have to live with for the rest of our lives!
You are right about not sitting about waiting for her and rotting away. If moving on is what it takes for you to be happy then so be it. I know it sucks but who knows what tomorrow will bring.
I am increasingly frustrated with being caught in Limbo land an need to get on with my life too. I will be 40 next month and want to go into the second half of my life in a positive manner.
Maybe the realisation that what the w is giving up in you will change things around. Always remain hopeful.
Trying hard to keep up with all the latest happenings but not doing great on that front.
Kenny
Me:40 WAW, MLC?:39 Kids:S11,S9 T:25, M:14 ILYB:Apr 08 W moved out Aug 08 W:Does not Want to Try
Well was a pretty good weekend for me. Went to the Disturbed concert on Friday and good lord was that crazy, still havent got my voice back. It was good to get out and act like I was 21 again but when I woke on Saturday my body said you idiot you are not 21 you are 34 now, slow down a bit!!
Other than that the W was supposed to call me on saturday so I could come over and get some documents but as usual she has her priorities and did not call. So I called her today and she was out shopping and said she would call me later when she is done. That was 5 hours ago and it is pissing me off because I need these for my job interview, if it does not pertain to her than it must not be important....arrrrggggghhhhhh I just want to scream at her!!!
Seems she is using the control she has over you. You need to let that go. My W tried the same crap. Then came a day when I just said to myself NO MORE!
Don't let her control your mood at all.
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
It is not that she has control over me, I am just pissed because she knows I need those documents and she does not let me come over to get them. Anyways she finally did call and I went over there to look for them. I have no idea where they would be and dug throughout the entire garage, she is such a packrat that there is so much stuff in there!
The funny thing that happened tonight was she blew a gasket at me! I simply asked if I could borrow the camera to take some pics and she started getting all defensive with me. Then stupid me has to say something stupid and mentioned don't worry I wont take any pics of you and the OM, not to smart! She exploded and told me how much she hated me and yadda yadda...I need to learn to keep my mouth shut!! That was stupid on my part I just for some reason can not get that out of my head!!
