How do you compartmentalize your feelings of love for your husband and his lack of desire to be married?
I suppose I just know that he still loves me in some way, and that helps. Don't get me wrong, it hurts to have this person in front of me and know he wants a D. I can see what can be, and H cannot see anything at all. I am soooo over trying to get him to see it though. Bottom line, even without kids, I would still want him in my life somehow.
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Because you have your daughters' needs for a daddy as your first priority?
Yes. Their needs trump all. We need to get along to co-parent successfully. These babies don't need to worry if Mommy and Daddy are going to yell today, or if Mommy will tell Daddy she got a gold star at school, or if Daddy will remember to tell Mommy about her riding her bike without training wheels, etc. I am desparate (as is H) to not lose the little everyday stuff that means the world to both of us. Its all for them.
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Are you able to deal with him with such civility due to the passage of time?
Yes. A year ago this weekend, H finally confessed about OW. I cannot believe (nor can H) how far we have come. In some ways, we are closer than ever. Time is a big part, but working on myself, putting myself back together, and realizing I'll be fine with or without him is all super important.
Hey lwb. Looks like I have found myself here with you as well. How sad is this that alot of the same people who were in infidelity have now moved here. Filed for D on July 2. Thank you for all of the advice you gave me back in infedelity. I guess sometimes, no matter what we do, our WAS just will not come back.
I just wanted to stop in and say hi and it looks like you are doing pretty well. Keep your chin up.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
didn't realize this weekend was a bomb-i-versary. ugh. must have some tough memories. but wow, look at how far you have come. you are definitely a hero of mine.
love ya!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
lwb, I dont want to hijack your thread, so please forgive my questions. I am starting the mediation process next week and dont know what to expect as far as how much is accomplished in a session. STBXH thinks we can have this all wrapped up nice and neat in 2-3 sessions and have our D finalized by Oct. That seems a little quick to me, but maybe that truly is how it is. What has been your expierence so far?
Thank you once again for all of the loving guidance you give.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
brokenhearted, I am so sorry to see you here. Sadly, not many of us move to piecing. Its a hard road, and I hate to see you on it.
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STBXH thinks we can have this all wrapped up nice and neat in 2-3 sessions and have our D finalized by Oct
First of all, I am glad to hear that you are at least in mediation. That's always better. We have had 2 sessions already. The first one (an hour) was an introduction to divorce, and we were given a ton of homework (paperwork, financials, parenting plan, etc). Our atty says the more work we do, the faster/cheaper it is. Our second session (much longer, 2+ hours), she went over our paperwork and started drafting the decree up (custody, support, all that jazz). We will meet again and probably file after that. So, yes, if you are on good terms and come to the table with most of it agreed upon, its easier. In Missouri, once we officially file, it'll be over in 30 days after that. So, sigh...October might sound about right. So fast!
I won't lie. Its a very odd situation, sitting there, discussing divorce. I got upset a bit with the atty when she said we were considered a 'normal' family, with no kids brought into the marriage (from previous R's, etc). I don't feel normal. She didn't mean anything by it.
Hello, my friends: tal, gypsy, nocode, sallym. Who did I forget?
Journaling:
Yes, one year ago today, I reported to work. Hadn't slept the entire night. Sat in a chair on the patio, in shock, all night long. I didn't cry for 3 more days after H confessed to me. I was a walking shell, empty. Surviving on 1/2 a granola bar and way too much Diet Coke all day long. Horrible, awful. I get sick thinking about how much pain I was in.
The anniversary didn't catch my thoughts much at all yesterday. I am really feeling so free these days, and I realized its because I don't have to worry about trusting H. Bottom line, I don't trust him, and I am ok with that right now. He doesn't want to be trusted, not ready for anything. I am so grateful for the days now, summer time with the girls, no worries, peace with H. A good place for me.
