I am sure that DR, DB and other books will teach me to combat this "cancer" but this kind of cancer is one that she doesn't want treated. I pretend as has been mentioned here that she is ill and needs to be cared for, but when she has an hour of free time or so, is there a way to get her to WANT to spend it with me instead of him ? If i don't invite her to do something, she won't invite me just back off ?
Don't pretend she's ill, she IS...you think her mind and emotions are HEALTHy right now?
People do stupid things when they are ill...some of them gorge out on food and make themselves sick, some people gamble their home and life savings away, some people drink themselves into a liver transplant.
Don't assume that just because someone is ill they will seek treatment. Do YOU run to YOUR doctor when YOU feel ill or do you try to ignore it or figure its no big deal, or try to fix it doing something stupid on your own? Many people don't treat their illnesses, many people RESIST having their illness treated, and many people even try to DENY they ARE ill.
Sometimes when people are ill they WANT help but are miserable. Have you ever watched someone struggle to do something like put a piece of furniture together? You offer to help and you get yelled at "I AM FINE LEAVE ME ALONE"...well, people don't always RESPOND constructively to their problems.
You get her to want to be around you by doing the following :
1. Give her the space to decide that on her own.
2. Give her a reason to want to be around you - be fun and casual..no one wants to be around a sobbing, begging, clinging child
3. Give her TIME to decide that. You want to push her. You cant FORCE a cake to bake faster, you just burn it. Your wife needs to warm up to you at HER pace, NOT yours. This is HER path to walk. Do you hurry your child into something? Are you going to hurry your child to do calculus when he hasn't even gotten comfortable with arithmetic? Patience is your FRIEND.
If she doens't invite you then she doesnt' want to be around you yet. Find fun things to do and make your schedule available to her..tell her its in case there are any family emergencies.
if you started playing baseball, she might go to your games. if you started coaching, she might go to your games even If you DO SOMETHING she might FOLLOW YOU. What are you doing to INTEREST HER?
What are your wife's hobbies or interests? You need to do something to interst her. Right now YOU are NOT enough. She wants you to be something MORE interesting ok?
You can start counselling children, talk to her casually about some of your cases and ask her opinoin. PRAISE it when she offers it.
I can't tell you what will attract her, YOU are the best judge of that, come up with some ideas and toss them up here, we will help you pick some.
just back off ? 
