New to this forum and need help..

[tmarie]

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[BeginningAgain]

t

One of the reasons I have not told my family about my sitch is because I don't want to have to handle what you had to do with your sister today. They will mean well and only want the best for me, but my Mother would be contacting me ALL the time and I would be put in the position of defending the person who is trying to walk out on me. Besides my hope is that my W and I will decide on reconcilliation and the fewer family members that know what we went through the less chance of hurt feelings afterwards and other relationships that have to be healed - if that makes sense.

I like what you have stated in the legal papers about the M not being broken and can be reconcilled. I plan on doing the same if my W ever files for the D. I'm not just going sign papers like I agree with everything.

Did he tell you when he went to see his L to file his petition? If he did then you could tell him you are going, but I don't think you necessarily owe it to him.

I would not ask him if he told his parents - let him bring that subject up. If he does tell you that he did, then I'd ask him why he felt the need to? Let him give the explanation. I still wouldn't initiate any R talk - keep your DBing going. You have really been making headway and it gives me a lot of encouragement for my own sitch. Good luck tonight!
S4H

[tmarie]

S$H,

Thank you for saying that. I sometimes think I am giving too much detail in these long posts. But my intentions are good and I am one of those women who love details..

Yes he told me when he hired the L and 4 days later he called me to tell me the papers were ready for me to pick up (I didn't want to get served at my business)... Prior I asked him to have them served to my attorney but at that time I didn't have one...

after some thought and your post I decided not to say anything about telling his parentss.. He should be home in an hour or so, he called and said he was tired and couldn't wait to get home..and asked about the Seminar - (which I did go to and even got asked to lunch..... twice.... so instead of worrying about it I changed the bedding, threw some clothes in the laundry, sorted them and pick up a bit... He will probably think our housekeeper was here today.. lol..

Anyway it should be interesting either way... so here I sit with my glass of wine, the dog and pc..D14 is spending the night with a friend...I can't believe I am saying this, but I am enjoying myself..being alone for a little while...

t

[BeginningAgain]

I find it very positive for you that he said "he can't wait to get home". I don't think it's only because he's tired - sounds like he may have missed you as well.

Hmmm...glass of wine, a loyal and loving dog, and time to yourself - I can understand why you are enjoying yourself - peace and serenity with no drama, sounds good to me as well. Hope your evening goes exactly as you want it to be.

S4H

[tmarie]

Well the homecoming was not very eventful... I am feeling low today... He came home and made chit chat...When it was time for bed, he layed for a bit then left to watch tv...unwinding I suppose.. He never returned.. slept on the sofa... He asked me this morning what I had going on... I told him about my nail appt, and that I had a meeting w/my attorney this afternoon, he didn't say anything, but asked if I was coming to the office, I said no, I was really busy prepping for my party tonight at the boutique, he said oh, well I'll see you after work, I said.. "ummmm no... I will be late, not sure when I am coming home..." I am almost ready to just go to the city afterwards and spend the night some place else....I am not doing good today, I don't even think I can look at him... I just feel so uncomfortable all the time, I am doing all I can, and I know its working but, I still wonder where he is at in his mind...no mention of what he told his parents...and I almost asked this morning, I caught myself and shut my mouth....
It raining here and maybe that is part of my problem... one of those days where you curl up with a good book. I cried for the first time since we saw Michele... I thought I was all cried out...guess not..

t

[tmarie]

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[BeginningAgain]

t,

Sorry things did not go so well last night - very disappointing but I guess that's why they say not to get your hopes up or have expectations. Although I find that very hard to do myself.

I think you are doing the right things though. Keep reminding yourself - patience, patience. Hang in there - detach and keep yourself busy. Don't dwell on this, it will only eat you alive.

S4H

[tmarie]

Update.. this is weird... So yesterday I went a little dark, barely talked to H, I was annoyed that I had to sign My answer to his Petition, which btw my L rescheduled the appt, so I did not sign, just one more thing to look forward to I guess.. I was very busy getting ready for this private party at the boutique...well the party was GREAT... we had alot of fun and alot of wine....alot of wine...I didn't get home until 1:30 am, when I got home, H had left a few lights on (which is unusual, I never noticed it before, I usually have to fumble around for a light..) after contemplating sofa city or my comfy bed, i chose the bed..closet light on...to help me see??? As I get situation and reflect on the day, silent tears..., it was a long day, and I am sure the wine didn't help any...H lays his hand on my arm.... H is awake...H intiates (sp - too much wine..) ML... go figure... WTF... truly baffled over here.... H never asked about the meeting with L...as far as I know H thinks I signed the answer... what kind of sex was this??? Pity sex... guilt, not sure what to make of it.. and honestly, I was not in the mood for it but with regard to what I am working for it was warranted... you one thing I have learned is when loving some the wasy THEY WANT TO BE LOVED, sometimes you do things just to help them feel good, which is what I did..but in the same sense, I feel a little cheap this morning... a great time yeah, but was it the alcohol, the cold shoulder, or love...

t

[tmarie]

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[BeginningAgain]

t

Seems to me that your H wants to stay connected in the M. Everytime you get into a detach mode or start to distance yourself he responds like this, doesn't he? I think if the man could ever just get off the fence he's sitting on and do some solid MC with you that you guys could have a great R. It will come, just have patience (I'm beginning to despise that word :-) ). Keep your expectations in check, continue to focus on yourself. Seems like it is making you more attractive to him.

I'm wondering about the sex thing myself in my own sitch. W returns home next weekend for two weeks and since we have not even mentioned the status of R, I'm not sure what to expect and how to react. I plan not to initiate and let her be the one to do that (which I hope she does). Sorry didn't mean to hijack.

Have a great day.
S4H