ms ladybug SQUISHED (3)

[ms ladybug]

OK. I'll try for a quick update. Yesterday we took the kids to a little amusement park about 2hrs away (Gilroy Gardens). I knew that because we had 2 hrs in the car together that a r talk would have to happen. At first he tells me about how he needs to go clothes shopping. Then he tells me that he's going to take his suit in to have it tailored since he lost some wt. He never wears his suit, so I ask, "Are you going somewhere?" He pauses, looks at me and coyly says, "well, I kinda put in my application for Santa Maria and have an interview in 2 weeks." !!!!
Now, remember, when he FIRST told me about Santa Maria he told me that he wants to go there to get away from me, because he hates me and wants to be far from me. The next day, he back-pedeled, denied EVEN saying that and said he wants me to move with him. I told him he needs to SIT STILL and that I CAN'T move with a crappy marriage. We're not even living together, we CAN'T live with each other, no way can I move out of town with him. HE said he wants to work on our marriage. NOW, I find that he goes and puts in his application.
So he tells me, "I'm tired of waiting for you to decide what to do. You told me you wanted me to be the leader in our home, so this is me leading. This is what you want, now you have to follow." nice.
I told him, "Being the leader in the home does not mean that you make major decisions like moving out of town without DISCUSSING IT!"
He tells me "I thought you'd LOVE to live on the coast! I thought you'd be happy about this."
Don't get me wrong, Santa Maria is a very nice place. I certainly wouldn't mind living there someday...but we. can't. live with each other!

He wants a divorce/He wants to work on it/He wants to move away from me/He hates me/He wants me to move with him/He IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

I really would like to see him move. Sadly enough. I don't know if he'd move without the kids and I.

We had a great time with the kids. When we got back home, I went to give him a hug, and he started to get playful. Long story short, we end up ML. To which, he gets up, looks at me and says, "this is the only reason you want to work on things."

Way to make me feel cheap, and completely turned off from sex for quite a while now.

So, now he wants me to talk to him. To tell him what I want. I told him that I would like to talk to him, but I'd like a counselor present (I need someone to moderate, make sure he understands, fair fighting types of things). Nope. No marriage counseling for him. So, I said, "I'm sorry. I REALLY need someone else to be present." Long story short...we're going to try to talk Sat afternoon. No counselor.

I'm tired of all this. I'm weary. I'm done. I honestly don't see our talk Sat going well, and I really don't have it in me to care. I'm not a bad person, really. I'm just so tired of it all.