Thank you for your post. I feel like I'm doing the best I can given the circumstances. However, because I continue to get the cold shoulder from my husband -- and he's told me he is a non-verbal communicator, so his current attitude/treatment of me tells me volumes -- I struggle to see that I am doing what's right. I know I'm a very good person, with a huge heart. I know I am fun and pleasant to be with. I know I have attractive qualities, but the constant daily rejection from the man I married is trying to erode my feelings of contentment with self.
I was having lunch with my boss on Monday. We saw my husband pull into the same shopping center and head into another restaurant, so my boss called him and said we were right next door. Do you think my husband stopped by to say hello on his way out? Nope. Nothing. If I wasn't there, he would have certainly joined my boss and whoever he was with for lunch. Also a friend invited us to go hiking. My husband sent him a text message asking for clarification on the invitation - would it be my husband and friend only or husband, friend and me? When friend responded with all 3 of us, my husband politely declined. Ouch.
Tonight as I was cooking his dinner, some things became painfully clear. The marriage of my dreams lasted a very short time - maybe a year and a half. The remaining years of my marriage have been marred by the presence of OW. My 4th anniversary is coming up in less than a month, and I'm fairly certain we will not be able to work through our problems and actually CELEBRATE our togetherness. My husband is entirely too rigid in his thinking and unwilling to accept any responsibility for our current situation. I cannot fix this on my own. Try as I might, it simply cannot be done.
What I now need to come to terms with is co-existing as colleagues, on a professional level only, with the man I gave my heart to and the only person I've ever really let "in". I've been so guarded due to my upbringing (which cultivated a fear of rejection, leading me to put up walls so high that no one ever really got to know the real me). I allowed my husband to take down my walls. I've been able to be myself here on DB because if people don't like me, they simply choose not to post to me, but it's not a blatant rejection. Sigh. People should be so careful when they decide to have children. My parents really created a bit of a mess with me due to their choices... but thankfully, I know I can continue to grow as a person and become better and better with each passing day. If my husband chooses to reject the true me, then I must muster the courage to not allow it to destroy me.
We'll see how long this clarity lasts. Once I get some sleep I may revert back to my confused state. Hope not!
Have a wonderful evening, all my DBing friends.
I love you!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I feel like I'm doing the best I can given the circumstances
I know you are! No need to worry, you are doing your very best. You are above and beyond amazing!
Quote:
I know I can continue to grow as a person and become better and better with each passing day. If my husband chooses to reject the true me, then I must muster the courage to not allow it to destroy me.
This is the truth. I am very lucky to know you, as is everyone around you.
I was having lunch with my boss on Monday. We saw my husband pull into the same shopping center and head into another restaurant, so my boss called him and said we were right next door. Do you think my husband stopped by to say hello on his way out? Nope. Nothing. If I wasn't there, he would have certainly joined my boss and whoever he was with for lunch. Also a friend invited us to go hiking. My husband sent him a text message asking for clarification on the invitation - would it be my husband and friend only or husband, friend and me? When friend responded with all 3 of us, my husband politely declined. Ouch.
R-I'm so sorry.
He's such a prick. Forget about the box. I'd like to kick him in the nuts.
Hang in there Girl. Maintain your dignity.
I'm still looking for a big screen By the way. LOL and I'll fly out and open that box for you...annny timeeeee.
Sleep is your friend. Eating healthy, exercising, maintaining a routine are all your friends. Getting professional help for a confounding situation, turning to those you trust are all good things, too.
Look at everything you're doing to be healthy! Look at the choices it gives you. Look at the awareness that's blooming. You are blossoming, sweet imp.
*hugs*
PS.. try the DB coach.. just pretend she's a pair of shoes!
(((GFI))) I'm sorry that things haven't gotten any better, but you my friend should not beat yourself up for this. You have tried and been more than willing to work on it and you H has chosen not to, thats on him.
If he is willing to let someone as wonderful as you slip through his fingers, then he is nowhere as smart as you give him credit for. As far as OW goes, if she really has wanted him all of this time my only thought is this...don't ask for something that you really don't want because you just might get it. My H will learn the same lesson.
I read the link that lodo posted and saw so much of myself in that. I wish I would have read it a long time ago, but by the time I was clued in to the problems, he was already gone.
You are a wonderful, sweet, caring woman and your H is a fool. You will have no problem finding someone who truly deserves you when and if you are ready. You always make me smile when you post to me and I see the care and concern in your posts to others. You have so much to give, you only need someone worth of you to receive it. Maybe H will be that man someday. For right now you take care of you and work on the things you want to work on. ((((Hugs)))) my sweet. Corey
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Hi again imp, Thanks so much for looking in on my thread again. I began reading your story from the beginning and just can not imagine how difficult it must be for you to be interacting with both your H and the OW at the business you started. That takes a strength that I don't think I would have. You are certainly handling it with grace. And, as others have said, I concur that you deserve better.
Some of your H's recent behavior has been very unpleasant and hurtful for you. I'm so sorry that he is acting like such an insensitive character.
I certainly know how difficult it is to have a H living in the same house while he acts cold and distant. As difficult as it might be to imagine it is a little less stressful when they are no longer under the same roof.
I noticed that we share the same wedding anniversary date. Did you plan yours to coincide with the Perseid meteor showers?
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
A couple of interesting (?) developments (?) to tell you all about, but don't have time right now... I'll be back later.
ISH,
We didn't plan our anniversary to coincide with the meteor showers. Sounds romantic, though. Anyway, it's nice to see you here. I hope you're having a good day. I hope your spirits are up.
I'll be back.
Hugs to all!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
