I'm an idiot apparently. God, how can I not know this man that I have been with for 12 years.
So my best friend email him (he's been talking to her on and off through this) and told him that I had said things were really nice the last few days, that we were in a positive space, that we had been intimate a lot, much with his initiating.
Now here's the "I'm a dumbass part", I know this because I snooped in H's email acct. I figured out his password awhile ago ,and saw an email from her in there. I just read his response back, and he pretty much denied it. Said that the only thing that has been different in his eyes is that he hasn't brought up divorce since not filing last week.
REALLY, THAT'S IT?
I'm so upset. he said he has 2nd thoughts all the time mostly due to D6's breakdowns, but that his feelings for me haven't changed at all.
What on earth have I been seeing. That's what I get for snooping.
God, I just went from being on top of the world, to waiting for the ground underneath my feet to crumble again.
Maybe I should just give up. Am I just extending the inevitible? And what's more upsetting even than that. I flat out asked my friend (after I saw her email to him, I called her back) NOT to say anything to him. Ididn't want to freak him out or have him back off. I wanted to see if she'd tell me. This is my best friend of over 25 years who I trust with my life, and she told me not to worry that she wouldn't.
I don't know if she felt bad knowing she already had or what, but she didn't admit to me that she had already told him about our conversation, so now I'm feeling like on top of losing my husband, I don't know if I can trust my best friend.
GOD, this day went downhill mighty quick.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Well, it does seem you had better not be sharing quite so mch with your friend. But, I wouldn't take his reply to her too seriously. Until he KNOWS, he isn't going to tell her, or anyone else, that things are better. He is not going to show indecision. And he isn't going to let it look like he is waffling. He's just not going to let that kind of thing out!
Jeff's right. As painful as that was to see, your h isn't going to tell your best friend that he's reconsidering anything. He's not even sure himself, OF COURSE he'll deny it! Now you know NOT to share with your friend ANYTHING else. She'll tell your h, and then lie to you about it. Nice friend. Come here, and tell US what's going on. Do you suspect anything with your h and your best friend at all? Just a thought.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
OK, I"m on the phone with her right now and she feels awful. She said she recalled it right after she sent it and it showed that it successfully recalled. She said she knew as soon as she sent it it was wrong. She just is so mad at him too, and wanted to know what was truly going on his head. She feels awful. She's like a sister, so I knew she wouldn't intentionally do that, and since she recalled it, she really didn't think it went through, which is why she didn't tell me.
UGH! I'm just so confused. Can I really not know this man, his actions, his looks after 12 years?
I know ,I'm supposed to not believe anything he says and half of what he does............ I just went from feeling on top of the world to down in the dumps.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
(((Chris))) I wish I had words of wisdom, but I think the only thing I can say is this: ((((HUGS)))...it will be okay!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
chris :0) do not take anything that he said to her to heart.
he felt backed into a corner and loss of power so of course he will say that. i bet my H would do the same thing right now.
this is very private for him and you but sometimes men especially dont like to share too much personal stuff.
i agree-...you can share little bits but none of the play by plays...just say things are good...
he said "Said that the only thing that has been different in his eyes is that he hasn't brought up divorce since not filing last week."
thats HUGE!
this is VERY fragile right now. i truly dont think your friend means any harm but she is friends with both of you so whatever you tell her she will tll him...
you are still doing great. no more snooping.
it will be ok and start being nicer to yourself- you are doing fine- backslides happen- just dont go down the same tunnel!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Lola's right. It will be OK. Remember it's a roller coaster ride (up, up ,up, then crashing down). It's hard when things look so good for a couple days, but you are strong and you're daughters need to see that.
I'm here with you. I haven't updated my thread, but drama continues.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Well, pretty sure he is going to be done after last night.
My best friend emailed me and felt awful, and reading her words I was sobbing because this is not her fault. She was trying to help. I'm so tired of being tired. Tired of focussing on this every minute of every day.
I want just one day without crying.
So I lost it last night. Called him around midnight, woke him up, and confessed that I figured out his email password and that he should change it. I apologized and said I was desparate and trying to find a reason (ie another woman) for all of this, and that I HATED the person this situation was turning me into.
I told him I hoped he could forgive me, and that in 12 years I have NEVER lied or deceived him once, and I wasn't about to start now. I could've kept it to myself, and he'd never have known. But I know.
So I confessed, sobbed, did everything anti DB, and slept for crap. It's been a really lovely day (not).
He's coming to visit the girls tonight. I have no idea what to expect.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
1. I know you feel like you've really screwed up and he will be "done", but remember you've felt that way many times and there was always some "positive" event subsequent to the "last straw" and there will be this time as well. I can feel it in my bones. 2. I can totally understand your need to break in to his email, but the next time you act on an urge like this...I don't think you should tell him....I admitted to H I did a reverse search on one of the phone numbers in his cell trying to figure out who he was calling...stupid me it turned out to be his mother (I kept wondering why the number seemed so familiar) and he freaked out! Now he wants to separate our cell phone bill so he doesn't have to "worry" about me embarrassing him by calling one of his friends while I'm playing detective. At the time, I thought being honest with him was the right thing to do as I don't like to have secrets, but in retrospect what he didn't know wouldn't have hurt him. 3. When H denies to others that he's making steps towards reconciliation don't take it so personally. I think he is struggling with all this himself and has a hard enough time admitting to himself that the changes you are making cause him to look at the situation differently than he ever thought he would (since he had decided a long time ago he was done) without admitting it to your friend. I think this is a case of him thinking "this might be too good to be true and if I acknowledge it I'll jinx it". Make sense? Your H sounds so much like mine...he is the type that makes a decision and goes with it and has a REALLY hard time admitting maybe his decision wasn't the right one. In my H's law enforcement job there is NO second guessing...you have to be confident in your decisions or people get hurt so he's trained to decide and go forward not sit and ponder the what-ifs and such. He handles his personal life the same way. Also, put yourself in his shoes...I hate nothing more than explaining my sitch to people and then having to reexplain it every time I get good or bad news (unless it's here on these threads where no one will judge me). He probably just wanted to be mums the word with your friend so that if things don't end up working between you two, he doesn't have to deal with your friend and the whole "but you said ...blah blah blah" stuff. Additionally, I'm thinking your H is like mine and he doesn't like dicussing our personal stuff with anyone anyway.
Okay...long winded I know but I want you to stay encouraged.
