Sending positive vibes to my H!

[pisces9]

he did nothing for 4 weeks...we talked very little and i was very quiet and didnt ask anything of him. it was sooooo hard....then we would meet to exchange mail or something and i was happy and calm no matter what. i havent shown him any weakness or sadness.

i questionned this so many times- not sure if i should show him by my crying that i loved him- i was so desparate and sad and lonely and horrendously void...but i never let him see this and i truly think it was the only way. it allowed me to learn how to not react and fake it til i make it kind of attitide as well as allowed him to not have any extra reasons for not liking me..

all what the DR says in LRT...i didnt ever go completely dark but i went dim and really did the whole list of what it says. GAL, got out all my stuff beofre i saw him, cried to my friends or alone, only showed him happiness and contentment.

i also got a lot from advise from wise db'ers thread and nuggets of wisdom under that- i printed out the rules and lists from there and read them over and over.

yor wife giving you a little here and there is a good sign and not to be overlooked- i cant stress this enough....that will actaully help you se the long term and not get too caught up with feelings of despair...also- dont pressue her...let her watch you and show her the new you- able to listen to whatver she throws your way...words or no words.

i have to say i am still learning to detach...there is no other way. he can truly say anything to me at this point and i just calmly hear it and dont say anything sometimes...he even had said so should we get a lawyer or mediator about a month ago and inside i wanted to jump in front of a car but on the outside i just stayed quiet, no tears and just said i trust whatever decison you make...he went on from there and opened up and has not revisited that statement again.

work on one small thing at a time..i am still not out of the woods..i am stll guarding myself just in case....i think that helps with not getting caught up in the BS...

this is so hard , i know and even though he has said all this i still am trying very hard to detach...but the beginning was the worst and it gets better.