The Wifey, Thank you for adding me to your prayers. I will do the same for you. I am trying right now to re-awaken the spiritual person inside me. Luckily, my sister is a devout christian with the perfect combination of compassion and common sense. She is helping quite a bit.
As for a hell I don't want, but certainly deserve, that's me. Yes, my marriage should be on the posters for what not to do. This book is certainly me, and I hope I will be one of the success stories.
Her birthday is next Friday. I asked her out several weeks ago, and she said she'd think about it. I know by now she's probably making plans with friends, etc... but I'm going to ask her out on Thursday. Also Friday is the day she's planning on filing. My therapist recommends almost the exact same thing you did. Ask for more time for me to be ready to handle it.
I have neglected her for far too long, and I'm sorry it took this to wake me up. I just wish at some point she'd have actually told me how bad it is. I know in her way she tried, but it didn't work, and neither of us changed our ways.
I pray for all of us in this situation.
abgiles
H - 38 W - 37 Married 9/17/05 Sep 6/21/08 Filing for D 7/25/08 Only a month from filing to done in my state.
Prayer will definitely help. I have to believe that things will improve, but I definitely can't make it happen on my own. I need God to look down and give me his Grace to make the changes I need to make.
I had a rough morning of backsliding. Need to buck up.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
So this morning we had our first meeting with the FOC. Received our D day. Sept 18, ugg. We have been getting along rather well. Just being her friend, doing the LRT thing. So they ask if we had gone to marriage couseling, we both said no. They ask if there was a chance of working it out, she said no. I didn't answer.
Talk to the lawyer a little bit about the agreements, then we leave. Then she sends me a couple emails about some head phones for her ipod. Almost fishing for me to say something about this morning.
I just answer her question.
Then she sends me an email telling me she is getting a new ipod and I can have her old one, but this time she add's at the bottom. "How are you doing after this morning?"
I don't even know how to respond or if I should. Obviously I don't want a divorce, she knows that. I have told her for first 3 months of this. I am devistated! Does she have a hidden agenda by asking me this question?
Keep the faith!! One Goal! Thanks CZ me: 34 XW: 29 D: 5 T: 13 M:9 Dday: Sep 18, 08 joint legal and physical custody of child XW recently told me, she d me, cause she tought I would abandoned her!
She might have a hidden agenda, but it may not be good.... it may not be bad. Don't go against the DB'ing and start digging now.
Sometimes I think the WAS wants to inflict pain even if it is just subconcious for them. They have built up resentment for years that needs to be dealt with. That's where the DB'ing works. It slowly removes that resentment and replaces it... but until it does, they may want to see that you are feeling pain.
As far as asking for time, do whatever you can in my opinion to delay things. I even brought up financial burden, how I would lose the house, etc. to get my WAW to stay home for a while. She was furious about it, but agreed.
The next 12 months were a roller coaster, and we both had successes and miserable failures.... even infidelity one night after drinking, prozac and a big argument.
but a year later she is kissing my hands, rubbing my feet, looking me dead in the eye and saying with all the genuineness that I could ask for.. "I love you".
... and the sex is great.
Even when I got mad and told her to hit the f**king road, brought home boxes for her to pack, and ran her into the ground, her response was "you're not getting rid of me".
So don't give up hope. Just keep the faith. It may not work out, but if it does, you'll feel proud and it will feel awesome to kiss the [censored] out of her once again.
I say prayers for everyone here, and will continue to do so.
Read Psalms 31:14 and practice it. It's all you need to help keep your head up.
one more thing.... if she has a good idea, like "I think d needs to spend time with both of us, how about over dinner"... say something like "hey, that's a great idea, you are such a good mom"
