Hmmm, well sort of. Strangely enough I did think of that only at the weekend. You do get tested for nearly everything going when you have a baby, so I have had 4 HIV tests over the years, but the last time I was tested would have been 2 years ago.
H said he always used condoms, and has been tested, but I probably should go myself just to be on the safe side. Not got any symptoms of anything...
Me:36 M:16 D final: 08/09 Ds:10&5 Ss:8&3 Bomb 3xPA 200 sexual encounters 15/06/08
Thing is, even if H was seeing someone else at the moment, that wouldn't be the reason. The reason is H's issues.
Exactly right.
Originally Posted By: happycamper
PILs just haven't given us a chance. Anything we say was just thrown out the window. When I said about the support I had put in place to help the children, MIL just rubbished it and said that they would be devastated. They just want us to be the bad guys and any good we're doing is void.
Originally Posted By: iamlost
Their anger at your H sounds like intuition. Do they have any clue that your husband was abused?
Nope, none. They don't know anything about him. They think the worst he could do is have an affair. Not multiple affairs, multiple one-night stands, sex addiction (even H is coming round to that), group sex, S&M clubs, threesomes with married couples in specialist 'clubs', coke habit, sex for money with his dealer, dominatrix sessions, internet chat rooms, phone sex with strangers, and over �20000 debts!
But you guys know, and that helps me
Hmmm, I'll bet they suspect more than you think. Their anger at you both, especially him, is kind of unusual. I see parents taking one side or the other, but not usually just straight-up anger at both H and W. Their anger could be their own guilt at suspecting how messed up their son was and doing nothing to help or try to figure out why he was.
There's nothing you can do for how they feel, like you said you're just going to have to ride it out. If there is any justice in the world, someday they will see the tremendous sacrifices that you made to protect them.
And if they don't, all of us here certainly do.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
I think they thought that as parents they might be able to persuade us out of separating, and because we were very settled in our decision they almost took that as 'rebellion'. I think they are angry because we are rejecting their advice.
They probably 'know' that H is the 'bad' one out of the two of us, and I am the 'good' one, I think they think H has brainwashed me into going along with a D!
It's not their fault - we have the vital piece of the jigsaw and we are witholding it from them for their own good.
Me:36 M:16 D final: 08/09 Ds:10&5 Ss:8&3 Bomb 3xPA 200 sexual encounters 15/06/08
Although they test you for HIV over here, (UK), when you are pregnant, I believe they do NOT tell you if you are positive. It just is used for monitoring the statistical instances of HIV mother's in the UK population. You want an HIV specific test that you will get the results for, then you need to ask for it.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
you need to get tested, you are trusting he's telling the truth, don't, there could've been many ways he could've contracted and STD, take advantage of your yearly check up and do it, you must.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
saffie - I am 95% certain that in my health authority they do tell you, as I remember reading the results and joking that I still didn't have HIV (as I had already had 3 tests). I phoned my local GUM clinic and they suggested I come in, just to be on the safe side. So I will do that - when I can get someone to look after the children! School holidays are upon us!
Me:36 M:16 D final: 08/09 Ds:10&5 Ss:8&3 Bomb 3xPA 200 sexual encounters 15/06/08
My health authority didn't use to tell you - it's been about five years since I was particularly involved in maternity issues though, ( I was an ante natal teacher and also sat on a hospital board re Maternity issues). At that time we didn't tell mothers because of the ramifications the results could have re life assurance etc. if they were positive. Maybe things have changed - we did check for other STD's though as some may effect the method one chooses for delivery as certain STD's can cause blindness in a baby after a vaginal delivery. Chlamydia, however, I do not believe is routinely tested for and can remain hidden and cause all sorts of problems later in life.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
hc, I got tested for EVERYTHING last fall. It was not pleasant, because it's assumed that the testing is because I've been sleeping around.
Since I wasn't about to tell everyone involved why I was getting tested, I just had to put up with it (got a nice little lecture from the doctor who gave me the results about continuing in a certain lifestyle just because there aren't any consequences this time).
My H said the same thing - yup, used a condom every time - but I decided I'd really be an idiot to believe him and that I owed it to myself and my kids to make sure I was okay.
Hopefully your experience will be different. I wasn't really prepared for it, and just wanted to give you a head's up in case you get the same attitude.
You know and we know - hold your head up high.
I like your positive attitude - your future partner is a lucky guy!
