Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

I'm an idiot apparently. God, how can I not know this man that I have been with for 12 years.

So my best friend email him (he's been talking to her on and off through this) and told him that I had said things were really nice the last few days, that we were in a positive space, that we had been intimate a lot, much with his initiating.

Now here's the "I'm a dumbass part", I know this because I snooped in H's email acct. I figured out his password awhile ago ,and saw an email from her in there. I just read his response back, and he pretty much denied it. Said that the only thing that has been different in his eyes is that he hasn't brought up divorce since not filing last week.

REALLY, THAT'S IT?

I'm so upset. he said he has 2nd thoughts all the time mostly due to D6's breakdowns, but that his feelings for me haven't changed at all.

What on earth have I been seeing. That's what I get for snooping.

God, I just went from being on top of the world, to waiting for the ground underneath my feet to crumble again.

Maybe I should just give up. Am I just extending the inevitible? And what's more upsetting even than that. I flat out asked my friend (after I saw her email to him, I called her back) NOT to say anything to him. Ididn't want to freak him out or have him back off. I wanted to see if she'd tell me. This is my best friend of over 25 years who I trust with my life, and she told me not to worry that she wouldn't.

I don't know if she felt bad knowing she already had or what, but she didn't admit to me that she had already told him about our conversation, so now I'm feeling like on top of losing my husband, I don't know if I can trust my best friend.

GOD, this day went downhill mighty quick.

Chris