Hey Phil, sorry I haven't posted lately, foot problems
I think what Amy is saying is that you have to find out how you became what you are today. Where did it originate from, how did you learn to be a husband, how were your behaviors established.
I myself had to look back at my childhood. My father was an abusive man, he neglected his family for work andput value instead on material things. I was raised to believe as long as you have a nice home, nice car, and nice things it means you are happy.
Because of this I was the same in my marriage, I made work and earning a living the most important thing. I made sure we never ever suffered financially and believed that it was enough to make my wife happy.
The point is it was a trait that I picked up as a child, one that ended up creating my husband persona.
You have to discover what YOU want compared to what you actually do. Many times our behavior, our reactions, our personalities are not based on who we are, rather on who others molded us to be.
You have to discover what is important to you. Who you want to be and how you became different than that. I imagine that when you got married you didn't expect to fight with your wife. You didn't expect her to throw things at you, you didnt expect to react the way that you have.
You have to discover where you come from and then adjust it to where you want to be either with your wife, or with any future relationship you may be in.
All of us want to go through the mountain Phil, because it takes so damn long and is so hard to go over it. But... ask anyone who has built a tunnel before if it would have been faster to go over the mountain rather than through it and they will 100% tell you yes.
Don't worry about the laundry, or the keys, or anything else with the wife right now. Stick to learning about you and taking care of your kids.
I want to end this on a positive note here, your responses to all of this info have been so much better Phil. You are becoming a much better listener and it appears that you are truly seeking out what people mean when they post to you. Fantastic Phil, that right there is a huge change in you and one that will help you on your journey.
