I left feeling a little bitter because I was talking and talking and venting and had no response from anyone. Unfortunately for me, this is something I do in life. I am, when interested in something, exhausting at best. I can talk forever when interested. I can keep playing games forever when I'm interested. The bad thing is, my actions like this exhaust people when they've had enough of me and the way I am.
My W's cousin ended up getting so sick of hearing me complain about how "bad" he was treating me that he told me off and is currently pissed at me and has refused to talk to me for months.
My W has told me flat out that consistency is a major issue she has with me. In her words exatly:
"One day you are Mr. Cool, then next you are accusing me of an affair on the phone."
Well, I did see her ex BF write to her "Someone said to me do you realize that (W's name) is the love of your life? You do know that, right?" THAT was why I called her upset. I couldn't tell her how I found out about that, so I had to beat around the bush, but she denies that anything would ever happen with this guy cuz they are "just not meant to be together." Funny, she had said to him "I didn't realize how much I missed you" My W is so confusing. I know she doesn't realize that saying things like that sounds and looks bad. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEE THAT? I tell myself she is too naive, but I also tell myself that is who she is and I need to accept that of her.
Accepting was a big problem for my W. She felt I never accepted her. I did, but I didn't show her in a way that she recognized it as accepting, so I might as well have not accepted her cuz she never felt it.
Those are things I need to work on.
I went back and forth for a long time trying to figure out if going dark was best, and it seems at this point that I need some contact. I am terrible, though, because I go between not wanting to answer the phone/email at all when she tries to contact me, to initiating the contact myself. Again, no consistent message.
We had a breakthrough last week when I called her upset that she was seeing someone else and we finally talked for a long time on the phone. W conceeded that we hadn't talked like that in a long time and it felt good. W also went right back to responding to things via email with one word answers like "yep" as if she is too busy. However, she has time to write paragraphs to her cousin. She tries to tell me she is too busy, but I'm not stupid. She just doesn't make the time because she doesn't want to.
I've been looking at a few other's threads and need some good people to help me out here. I've seen great posts from:
