But Cinco...sweetie, you are on the VERGE of GETTING IT. Everyone has to start somewhere...you are starting that inward journey where you will find the answers for yourself. I do understand everything you are saying, I really do.
And I also should have said in that paragraph you quoted, that there is nothing attractive about a woman who ignores her own sexual spirit and becomes a sexless person, too. Maybe her body is still attractive, as women's bodies tend to be visually attractive in general, but when she lets her sexual spirit go dormant, she becomes unattractive. (And that usually coincides with wearing birkenstocks). I really do understand that sexless marriages are not the fault or problem of just one spouse...both spouses created that problem and both spouses have their role in it.
I also get (now) that when you are HD and you've gone without sex for a while it really gets into your head and makes a big problem (the constant rejection on top of the sexual frustration). And that is why the HD partner is in general, suffering a lot more than the LD partner....but the LD partner is suffering, too. He or she just doesn't want to face it in full so they create a wall around the problem and don't look at it.
So Cinco...if you keep on the path you are currently on, keep studying, keep praying, keep meditating...and you are going to break out of this SSM and find your way to a new marriage. I promise.
And for what it is worth, I will speak to you from your wife, because if she could be in touch with herself in a true and honest way, she would say this: "I am so sorry for my part in letting our marriage get to this point." One day, she will say that for real, and when that day comes, you will see also entirely your part in it and you will forgive her immediately.
Trust me! It may not seem possible today or even a year from now, but if you don't give up, it WILL HAPPEN.
