Tried to find the Recommended Reading material link but it doesn't seem to be working right now.
Anyway, just journaling (trying not to analize): Received several tm's during the day tuesday from H. Small talk.
Today, the same. I was running out at lunch and going to the bank near his parent's house where he is living. After I picked up a sandwich I stopped quickly to see him so we could discuss money for s16's upcoming trip.
I arrived to find H laying face down on a lounge chair with his skin tight boxer briefs rolled down so his bum could tan. You would think he was 16 himself. I just had to chuckle to myself. He is obsessed with his weight, his working out, etc. Snodderly, is this part of depression or replay or both??
Anyway, I talked to him for a few minutes. He told me how bad things are at work and he is worried the restaurant may close. He said he applied at a couple of other bars but he was too old for the jobs (that is why he thinks he was rejected).
I truly think he is worried about his employment.....but he has to realize that bartending is a job for college students. Hot young kids who can make killer tips on their looks. Not for a middle aged man .....going through MLC. He says he loves bartending and that was what he was meant to do...I have news for him, when you have a family to support, you take a job where you can make money.
I don't love my job. I would prefer to be doing something else. I do it for the money and the benefits. For my kids, they will have a free college education. I have sacrificed my dream job for them. I am not trying to be a martyr but this so clearly points to the MLC BS of it's all about them.
So, my H is self medicating with another woman, in a job that he is going no where with and has no ambition to find something else, he is obsessed with working out and how he looks. Are these the signs of depression you are seeing Snodderly? Am I missing something?
If you were to look at him, he is back to when he is 17 years old again. Back in high school, my h went from girl to girl. Sleeping with anything and everything. Drinking, drugs, long hair. He is reliving the life he had at that age. I wish he would grow up.
So, I am moving forward. I look at him and see nothing but a shattered man who is trying to be 17 again. I need to take care of my kids and worry only about them. My h is so far gone I have to wonder why i bother standing. He will never do the work to fix this or himself.
