Hi PS, You sound like you're working so hard on self-improvement and your anxiety issues. I'm not sure why you don't feel like you're making adequate progress. I would venture to guess, that it's easy to slip into old habits, which I'm sure is frustrating for you.
I could understand your disappointment that your H is not being supportive to you around these issues. You've said that he is not a mindful person, so can't relate to what it's like to be obsessive and ruminative about something.
Your H doesn't have to be your anxiety coach, but he can still cheerlead from the sidelines. This may be one of those topics, where the less said, the better.
My advice is keep breathing and soothing your mind. There can only be positive outcomes from having a calmer you.
A quote I keep in my back pocket is:
"It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop."
------Confucious
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I can understand the fear of having your struggles tear down the progress you've made with H. They are real struggles whether he understands/empathizes with them or not.
I don't think that you need to just "just put on a happy face", as long as you own that it is your issue to deal with--nothing he says or does can change that. It would be nice if he were more supportive, but reality is that he is not. Do you have any coping strategies for dealing with the anxiety and the added stress of no real support at home?
CL and Aud, Wonderful advice. Thanks. I am feeling a little better now. My anxiety really got bad for a few days there. I think it's because I stopped taking the ADs that I had went on a few years ago. Apparently, I wasnt' supposed to stop cold turkey. Anyway, I'm back on and I am feeling a difference. More in control.
I am still struggling with the anxiety and really trying to dig down and make peace with it. H is trying to be supportive, but he just doesn't understand it. In fact, he even said that I don't get panick attacks. I asked him what he thinks a panick attack is, and he said, "I don't know, but you don't have them". Frustrating. I've had them my whole life, and now that I have a label for them, he is discounting it. Whatever.
Frankly, when I'm in a really low place, i talk to my dad. I talk to H here and there and let him know where I'm struggling, but i really open up to my dad more. I feel safer that way.
H and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum. He is the most laid back, calm and non-anxious person you'll ever meet in your life. He literally doesn't worry about anything. I am the complete opposite. I worry, big time. This has gotten better over the past few years, but it is part of who I am. I am an anxious person and i get nervous a lot. Not h. I suppose in some ways, we balance each other out. But that part of him is why he had such a hard time with the A. He just followed his feelings and didn't "worry" about the consequences. He just figured that things would find a way of working out.
Anyway, I really appreciate your support. Just working through it one day at a time. Right now, controlling my anxiety is my top priority (aside from mothering my kids, of course). And while I don't intend to neglect my M by any means, I just need to focus on this right now.
Love you guys! Thanks!
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
PS, It sounds like you married someone who has a bias towards psychiatric problems. I've met people with psychiatric problems who get no support from their families--it's taboo for them.
He needs to stay out of the way, and not interfere in the good work you're trying to do.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
