Well, I have a story, that I'm still awaiting solid proof on, from my H. In theory, the second version of the story he told me is true. The first one was almost all denial + inapplicable facts.
So, in keeping to his desperate behavior since he left, he got a hotel room for one night to go see an old girlfriend in a nearby city to his hometown, out of shame (she asked him to, she didn't want her roommates to know she was with a married man). Apparently, again, like the LDEA, she is desperate enough to have been willing to in the first place. But suposidley, she couldn't go through with it, they kissed and then she stopped it, although he stayed on her couch with at her and her roommates apartment for a week, nothing else happened, and then took her to the airport because she was leaving on a trip to another city. Why did he stay with her for a week? He says boredom, wanted to go out in the city. The first line of this paragraph says what I think.
There are holes in this story, but I have not heard back from the LDEA's boyfriend yet, and he has offered to provide e-mail proof of these events. So, for now, I believe them.
I asked him, how could his standards have become so low? He says low self-esteem. I think he wants to have these pseudo-relationships that mean nothing and that don't end up in real sex, which directly relates to his/our issues. He wants to be wanted, especially by someone who doesn't know about his problems, and desperate women are REALLY good for that. Although, I am impressed that the OG couldn't go through with it, IF that's true. He also feels like, since no sex occurred, that he doesn't have to feel that much guilt. Denial.
It turns out that going dark had mixed results. He told me that he wondered all the time about me, why I wasn't calling him, but at the same time "didn't feel like he was married." That could have been the vacation talking, too. It's hard to live in reality when you're on one.
So, the big news is that I told him to proceed with looking into a legal S or a D. I think it's the best possible direction we could go in. But I am still standing for my marriage, despite recent events. He's obviously a very troubled man, but I love him. I think letting him move forward will clear the way for him to feel like he can relax and be my friend. And at the very least, we owe each other friendship & support after all we've been through. I think we both need to heal towards each other.
My marriage is dead, and good riddance. H and I spent a lot of time talking about how much pain our relationship (then and now) has caused us. The only hope is that maybe H and I can create a new relationship now, first based on real friendship.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
