(BTW, that post from alexjames was spectacular and accurate).
It is natural, but unhealthy, to retreat behind your "defensive wall" of fear (its only temporary), resentment (I'm too hurt), emotional closure (I can't give him any credit-he's only doing this stuff to get what he wants), indecisiveness (i'm not sure), denial (its all/mostly his fault), victimhood (he made me this way), moral rationalization (he didn't live up to end fully so I'm justified in being with OM, God wants me to be happy), and naivete (the OM is so much better for me).
You deserve a great deal of credit for starting to realize and accept some of the above. The only one who can tear down YOUR wall is YOU! You must do it...even it you don't feel like it and even if it doesn't feel good or safe to do so. ACTIONS PRECEDE FEELINGS and your good feelings can only return if YOU TAKE ACTION.
Praying for you that you have the wisdom to not follow the easy and tempting path...most who do end up regretting it years later after enduring and causing much unnecessary anguish.
