The one big problem - H and I are living 2500 miles apart now. It's not that easy to see each other. I'll have to think about how to proceed with that but since H is still pursuing OW (and lying to me about it) I don't think I'll go visit him.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
It sounds like your H is slowly coming out of the MLC. I can't blame you for not going to see him. Maybe he will come & see you. But he has to earn your trust & he has not done that yet.
It sounds like your H is slowly coming out of the MLC.
Thanks Nlt, I wish that was the case. I was reading over the 6 stages of MLC today and think that my H is not yet done with Replay but has also possibly entered Depression. After this there's still Withdrawal and finally Acceptance. Each stage can take several months to get through. I don't see this ending for some time.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I am sorry that he cannot get it right. You may want to try a more drastic 180 or the Beyond the LRT technique where you file and push the D process hard. That either shocks him into reality or gets you free. He thinks that he can still get you back if he wants it. This would kill that thought. I know that it sounds drastic but you have to have a life at some point. Are you really in love with him today? Or just in love with who he was?
Nlt and Eagle, thanks for the prayers. I also intend to keep praying for H. He needs all the help he can get. He is at a very low point in his life and has become an entirely different man.
Eagle, at this time I'm not prepared to take a chance and file for D. I don't respect the person that my H has become in the last several months but I know that the man he was will be back again some day. He is in a lot of pain and acting out inappropriately. I have read some of the success stories on this BB and see a lot of similarities. I have set some boundaries as far as no contact with OW and honesty. He's obviously not ready to follow through but knows I won't accept anything less than that. Hopefully when he's ready he'll make his way back to our M and be able to commit fully. I think I can be patient for some time longer.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
You are being so strong. I so wish my H would not have filed for D, I would be standing for my M too. I'm still standing & I'm divorced. I don't like it but I had no choice.
I can't blame you for not taking the chance, I wouldn't either.
I hope & pray that the man I married will be back one day too. The man he became was not him at all!! He would have never treated me like he did if he was in his right mind.
I always see it as a positive if the was doesn't file... because I feel like there's a reason they aren't filing... like they don't want to sever the tie because they know even in their messed up head, that the direction they are going isn't right.
And then if the LBS files because they are tired of waiting.. it's all the LBS's fault and the WAS is the victim. I hate that!
So hang in there girlfriend... and hold off on filing for as long as you can.
You've set your boundaries... he's going to have to learn to live with them if he wants to be with you.
