Hi, I'm new to the forum.

[The Wifey]

Oh my God, what a night. I didn't eat ice cream. I had wine instead. : )

I mowed the front lawn when I got home because it was so long. The h doesn't like me to use his ancient mower, but he's been riding the motorcycle so much and it was so long, so I just did it. I like to mow the lawn!

He never said a thing about the lawn when he came home. He may have thought S19 did it because he was home when h came in after 9. I hadn't planned to engage him if he brought it up.

Anyhow, after I mowed I grilled hot dogs and S and I ate them with mac salad, chips and dip. Then he helped me study for my math class. He helped me so much. I honestly was lost before he helped me.

It felt really good to understand the math and feel confident. So I was pretty detached and feeling good when H came home.

S left to go to Starbucks with a friend. I continued with math and h watched tv. I asked if he got my email. Said he did and he appreciated it.

Then he asked about yesterday where I said I was grateful that I found I didn't like roller coasters. I told him it meant the rollercoaster I am living on.

I think he understood after a bit. First there was a deer in the headlights look.

Then I said that it doesn't mean I don't want to ml with you. That I don't understand it myself but that I wanted to the minute he walked in the house.

At that point he gave me a sheepish grin and opened up his arms to me. Lets just say he was receptive and we ml. Not exactly the DB I planned for, but it was wonderful.

I didn't eat the ice cream, that will have to wait. This morning I gave a very DB have a nice day last night was great as he went out the door.

He said ILY and gave me a hug. I could tell he wanted to say something more but he just left. The confusion on his face was evident. He kept looking at me a minute like why do you still love me? Why do you want to ml when I have hurt you? At least thats what I read there - could be completely wrong of course!

I have a new wind beneath my wings and feel strong. I am still loving even in the face of the pain. I am choosing to love and to give. Yes, there is risk. He could still decide he doesn't want to be with me.

I feel good though. I am DB'ing and loving at the same time. It feels right to me somehow.