I have a very , very , very personal question ... we have been intimate 3 times in 2 days... and he seems too large for me it hurts... I am healthy and so is he. This happened the first nightt he ws home.. and I was completely relaxed and "ready"
A few bits that might help:
1) Lubrication (depending upon circumstances) is often one of the earliest signs of arousal, and as such, it does NOT indicate that a woman is ready for penetration. More warm-up is required.
2) Prior to the plateau phase of arousal, the vagina looks like a somewhat flattened tube, has an "H" shape in cross-section, and while slightly extended due to uterine motions during early arousal, is smaller than the normal sized penis. If you go for penetration in this stage --> take it slowly and gently for a while <-- and allow things to stretch and relax. The typical vagina can accommodate just about any sized penis: just don't rush it, and don't let him just drive in and start pumping.
3) The higher he can bring your arousal prior to penetration, the better things will be, particularly if he can bring you up to the plateau phase. In the plateau phase, the front 1/3 of the vagina "balloons," becoming more cavernous, while the back 2/3 extends. If he's a big guy, this is the point when he wants to enter you. If he's an average guy, this is the point where both you and he can loose sensation during intercourse, so a change in position to something which stimulates the G-spot (forward wall of the vagina, about a finger's length in) works best for both partners.
4) As the others have stated, if lubrication is ever an issue, never be afraid to grab some assistance (and if nothing is handy, saliva works wonders). Your man should understand that a woman's lubrication state is not a -direct- measure of her arousal state: sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn't, so he shouldn't get offended: he should just reach for the tube.
5) If you've been pushing yourself to have sex as frequently as possible, you might be a little bit 'burned out,' and need a short break (I'm only talking a day or two here) to rebuild your level of sexual tension. This might also be true if you've gotten into a sexual 'script' habit: change the pace or the sexual activity frequently to prevent boredom. This is something I have to fight myself on a lot: if something works *really* well, I have a tendency to do it again the next time. Instead, I'm making myself build an entire repertoire of activities, from which I can select and choose, in menu fashion, for any given 'meal.'
5) Finally, Ali, I wonder if this is simply a measure of your anxiety level at the time. If you're worried about how he's going to be on a particular night, how the relationship is going over the past few days, or something similar, it's going to affect how you respond sexually, even when you don't want it to.
This is something I've had to come to grips with myself as I've moved into middle age. The days of the 'auto-erection' are now over, where I could achieve an erection despite any worries / anxiety / stress / anger or whatever I had going on in the background. Now I have to pay much closer attention to my mood and REAL arousal state at the time (like lubrication in a woman, erection in a man is not a -direct- indication of arousal state). The more relaxed I am --> the less anxious I am; and the more likely it is that I can achieve a nice, pleasant arousal state. And if I let any fears, worries, or anxieties creep in, my penis tattles on me.
Now I'm really on a Side-Bar: this is where ED problems begin in guys my age. They become so alarmed at the loss of the auto-erection that they miss the vital link to their own mood and arousal state. After that, it becomes self-fulling prophecy: if you worry about it NOT happening, then that worry and anxiety will pretty much guarantee that it won't.
The irony is that their bodies are just becoming more like their wives have been all along.
Poetic justice?
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
