I'm sorry you find yourself in this confused state. Take the time and space you need.
Maybe it's time for the after-the-LRT. MWD writes about it in the Infidelity section, but it's meant to address a situation when a spouse refuses to give up their damaging behavior even while acknowledging it.
He sounds frustrated and despondent and trying to pressure things back to a place he knows - where he's in control.
If you're really at the place where you're seriously contemplating filing for D, before you do so it might be worthwhile to let him know that he is trying to beat you back into the M and that is only driving you further away. Tell him you care about him but can't live this way so you're prepared to let go. And then back off completely
MWD writes that this means not spending time together, not talking on the phone unless it's about the children, no emails. Essentially, let him know that there won't be any relationship at all if he continues doing what he's doing. and then back off completely.
But as MWD warns, don't be prepared to do this unless you're really ready to end things, because it can very easily end in D.
I think all of us agree, though, that you've been a willing participant in addressing the issues that drove your M to this point. The burden of proof rests on him.
