All settled in 250 miles apart

[TwinDad]

JWS,

she has not filed, infact she has never mentoned it and she told me she does not want a D. there is also no legal sep. What she has said is she wants her time and space to do something for herself.

Then give her this....she has told you what she wants. How you do it is your choice. You know the person you married. Do you honestly think she would stay married to you out of entitlement? I don't knwo the answer you do. I think you have been very noble in what you have been doing so far. Some people may call you a fool. My take on this is, if this has been done from your heart with love then no one can put the label of fool on you. Could you get hurt....yes. Read-up on "real giving" it will give you some insight.

Since your W hasn't filed then I would say you are far from done in her eyes. You have to decide what your limit is. I would caution you about doing anything out of "principal" (i.e. since you want to be separated I am not going to do xyz). There are plenty here that would disagree with me.....so you have to take all this advice and decide what feels right to you. More importantly when making these decisions you have to decide if this action brings you closer to your goal of getting your W back and really look at the reaction and re-evaluate.

example: early in my sep, I decided (with the advice of many friends/family) to go dark and let my W choke on her space. It didn't take but a couple days to figure out that wasn't getting me closer to my goal. I changed gears and went the best friend approach instead and feel it has yielded good results.

Which ever approach you take don't be so galvanized in it that you don't see what is going on it. Do things from the heart....whether it is being a best friend or giving tough love.

i just don't know because she will not open up and talk about anything :o(

By this do you mean R talks (I hope you are not trying to have any of those) or small talk like school, etc?