Don't ask me what I did yesterday, but I was awfully busy going hither thither and yon. As I went to my therapist's office traffic backed up significantly.. wayyy back and I was going to be late trying to go a distance that was less than a mile away. I opted to park at shopping center and stride my way to her office which was more than a convenient stroll away.
I was striding, walking fast, my only goal was to get there on time. Imagine my surprise when I heard a wolf whistle. Who would whistle at my big fat butt. I kinda laughed, figured it was some kid making a joke. Then I figured, what the heck, take it as a compliment and I kept on moving (faster than the cars). As I rounded the corner to my destination a car beeped. I figured it was the whistler saying bye bye.
When meeting with my therapist I told her about my phonecall to spouse. She pointed out that sometimes the hurt can be so intense you just have to relieve it without thinking of the consequences. I learned the difference between talking to safe people and unsafe ones (spouse) when that situation arises. Many times I feel the big "Duh".. but am very happy to know correct boundaries.
I'm also learning that if I get a cycling thought, obsessive thought that that can be an indicator of symptoms increasing. Now I'm tracking when and if those occur. Let me tell you, I am highly motivated not to be that way! Last night while whizzing home to get my sewing machine to help with costume alterations my mind wandered and I thought of when he was supposed to be returning from Greece. That's when it hit me.
I'm so used to his life being my life. It's my learned response! All the way home, I started singing "My Life".. just those two words as it dawned on me.. this IS my life.. not his. MY Life.
